A Long, Sad Love Story
First off, I have to admit that I was a cheerleader for a few months, but I am not what guys would consider cute. I am basically low on the totem pole at school. This story starts in 7th grade. I have known this guy, Cody, since I was nine and I am fourteen now. He has been in every class of mine ever since I met him. I started liking him romantically in 7th grade. While I am low on the totem pole, he was, and still is, very high on the totem pole. He is on the basketball team with most of his friends.
Anyway, he found out that I liked him in 7th grade. Come 8th grade, my best friend, who has never been in the same class as me, tells me one day that she thinks Cody likes me. She kept saying that he was looking at me. I didn't believe her, until I started noticing that he was looking at me a lot. It soon turned into a year-long fight that my best friend, Alexia, and I call World War III, teenage version. Let's just say that Cody and I haven't talked to each other without insulting each other ever since then.
Now I am a freshmen, and his friends still haven't left us alone. They bugged us more than we bugged each other, actually. For example, I gave Alexia a beauty pageant picture from 7th grade and she lost it. It turned out that a guy named David found it, wrote that Cody was my one true love and all that crap on the back of it, and gave it to some boys. Cody didn't find out about it until lunch, and I guess he thought I actually did write that on the back of the picture. A few weeks later, I decide to tell him that I didn't like him. Alexia rides his bus so I told her to get his attention, and I will send a text to her phone to let him read. I sent him a text saying that I didn't like him like most of his friends think I did, and that most of the stuff that happened wasn't my fault. I think I apologized like three times for everything that happened. I also said that I didn't believe he liked me.
He texted back, which neither me nor Alexia thought he would do, saying that he didn't really care. Ever since then, it has been like nothing ever happened. I don't get asked out for him as a joke. In fact, the boys asked Alexia out for him the other day. What David and some other jerks did until Cody read that message was try to run us out of a certain spot outside that they claim as theirs. We still don't talk to each other, but it is better than what happened in 8th grade.
When I said I didn't like him, however, I was lying. I still like him very much and I can't even go out with a guy because of the fact that I only like Cody, and because I feel like I am cheating on him. I feel so guilty for lying to him which I only feel when lying to someone that I really respect, but never like this. I want to tell him the truth, but that would risk him hating me. Plus, he deserves happiness, and it has only been proven that he likes me once by his best friend in 8th grade, but then he said that he wasn't sure.
If any of you guys have any advice for me, or if you can tell me what you think I should do, that would be really helpful.