A not so private diary

by Celene Magana
(Irving, Texas)


Dear diary,


Life is amazing. Love is crucial. Friends are comfort. Lies are unbearable. Boys are.. are idiots!

Back in 8th grade, there was a guy. There's always going to be a guy for every girl. THE guy. But for me, I didn't know he would be MY guy. He would pass by my seat during second period. Once, I remember seeing a huge drawing of a heart on my folder. I thought it was funny. I didn't believe in love back then. I was too young anyways.

But I had a boyfriend. He was alright. I liked him a lot. We never kissed. Only hugged. But this other guy, I never talked to him. I didn't know him. He had these eyes. That to this day, I can still picture. I remember one day after school, I was at my locker. As soon as I closed it, he was there. His eyes are still in my mind.

Just recently, I found out so many things about him. Like how he would stare at me during lunch. I never noticed it. How he would tell this girl how much he liked me. It was like the last days of school, and you know how you're all like "oh here, have my picture and you write something on the back?" I gave him a picture of me. With my number. We started talking. He was amazing!

I was with my boyfriend for about a year and I dumped him a week before school started. Once school started, what do you know? I have a class with the guy I was crushing on! And also with my current ex. It was weird. But the weirdest thing of all, was the seating chart. My ex sat in front of me. I sat in the middle and my crush sat behind me.

Well, after a week of school, we started dating. It was amazing. We went out for like 6 months. Then broke up because of this girl. She ruined everything. Lied to him about stupid stuff. And what hurt me the most, was that he knew nothing was truth. So we stopped talking, then next year, 10th grade, we talked again. And we ended up dating. This time, we broke up the day after my birthday. Because he didn't want to hurt me. Or get my too attached to him. So we stopped talking. Then we started talking again. We were like bff's. And I loved it.

Then 11th grade came by, we started talking again. We talked for 3 months. It was as if we were already dating. But we weren't. I was confused, because we weren't together. Yet he said he loved me and called me babe. We went out. It was this year. Then I went away for a week, he got drunk and cheated on me. We went through so much since 2007 up until now. I forgave him, out of love and stupidity. But he didn't want to be with me again. I didn't understand why. I didn't cry though. I cried my freshman and sophomore year. Not my junior year. I was much stronger. I cried twice.

On Christmas of 2010. He came over and talked to me. It meant so much to me. And 3 days before that. He texted me saying he wanted me back. He missed me and loved me so much. That he wouldn't give up on us. 2011 is here now. I don't know what's going to happen between me and him. All I know is that I'll always love him.

Dear whoever reads this, please don't ever let anyone change your mind. Follow your heart. Even if it leads you wrong. It is good to know that you at least tried. Love is amazing. Don't let one person ruin it for you. If you choose to love, be prepared for the pain that comes with it. One more thing, don't always fall for the person with the sweetest words. Things eventually rot. So be careful who you give your heart to.

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