All of us want to have better relationships, but in order for this to happen, you need to improve your communication skills. Although you may think you're a good communicator, read this article to find out if you're creating connections or building barriers when you talk to other people.
Ask yourself the 3 questions below to learn if you are creating barriers to closeness without realizing that this is what you're doing. Do You Placate People?
If you're the type of person who does not like conflict, you may placate your partner by saying something like, “Whatever you say.” This phrase does not resolve the issue and it only makes people feel angry and like they haven't been heard. To create a better relationship with your wife or husband, kids colleagues, friends and family members stop trying to placate people.
When you and a spouse or someone else has a difference of opinion, listen to what the other person has to say, rather than figuring out what you are going to counter with. If you can see their position, share this with them, if not, tell them why.
Whenever you are in the midst of a conflict, it is best to try to stay calm. If you find yourself getting worked up, take some deep belly breaths. If the other person becomes upset, it might be better to wait until you are calm to talk about the matter. If you can come to a resolution without placating, you will enjoy better communication overall.
Who Are You Trying to Fix?
If you take the time to learn how to be a better listener, you can enjoy a better relationship with your spouse. Rather than listen to their partner, a lot of people (especially women) try to be “the fixer.” The problem is most people don't want to be “fixed,” they just want to be heard.
Sometimes people just want to rant and tell their story. If you offer advice when that is not what they are looking for, you make that person less likely to share feelings with you in the future because you present yourself as a know-it-all. If you have a tendency to do this, you might resolve to wait until your partner has finished their tirade and ask quietly, “Did you just want to vent or are you asking for some advice?”
A good rule of relationship, particularly if you're a fixer is to listen first.
Are Leading Questions Your Style?
A leading question has your assumption about the what the answer is built into the question. Most people who ask leading questions are unaware of it. For instance, if you're having a disagreement with someone and they say something mean, you might counter with, “You didn't mean that, right?”
This sort of question makes the other person defensive because rather than asking them a question that only they can give the answer to, you're posing it so it contains the answer you're looking for. Adults often ask leading questions of children, which is why when adults are asked leading questions, they feel minimized and demeaned.
If you want to build better relationships, you must be open to what other people have to say. The only way to find out is to ask and be willing to hear their feelings and opinions. If you tend to ask leading questions, it will take some practice to give up this habit.
So there you have it: 3 behaviors you can change that will help you build better relationships with all the people in your life.
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