Blinded by Infatuation
My story? I don't know where to start. I don't think it's as bad as anyone elses, but it still hurts. My story has left a permanent mark.
I'm only 15, some may think my tender age means I don't know what love feels like - but I do.
I first talked to him when I was only 11. It was nothing back then, he was a close friend - with weird hair. Whenever we had to be put into girl/boy partners for class, it was always me and him.
Then, in year 8, him and my other best friend started to get really close. They ended up going out as boyfriend and girlfriend; I was happy for them, my two best friends. I remember that day though, the first day I felt a slight twinge of jealousy. I had no idea where it came from; they just looked so happy, hugging each other.
The feelings started to develop and I hated myself for it. They broke up and although I felt bad for her, I was secretly quite happy. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true.
Anyway, we started going out on a night together and my feelings just kept on growing. They both found out how much I liked him, but that summer, they kept on rubbing it in my face. They went on with each other like they were still in a relationship. I hated her for it, she knew how I felt, but carried on anyway.
By the end of the summer, he had dropped her. I was quite smug seeing as she had dropped all of her friends to have him, and he didn’t even want her.
A few months later, me and him had our own thing. We both liked each other - but unfortunately, nothing happened. He dropped me the day after we kissed. It took some time for me and my best friend to reconnect - but we did. We shared our stories of how we’d both been used and we realized what a player he was.
That didn’t stop me liking him though. Over the next 2 and a half years, I fell more in love with him. He told me I was his best friend and he didn’t know what he would do without me, although I was so proud and happy at that moment - it still hurt. He used the word friend and I knew nothing was ever going to happen.
We laughed and joked, and we did stuff sexually. I gave him my first for practically everything… not my virginity though. I still haven’t. I thought if I done all this stuff, he’d want me. I was willing to reduce myself to that, just so he would still want me and be with me in some way.
It continued for a long time and although the times we did things were some of my happiest times - I still hurt so badly. I realized he just didn’t want me. He wanted other girls and I was the one he’d come to when he was down. I tried so hard to get over him, to forget about him. But I can’t.
Even though I know he doesn’t want me. Even though I know he’s changed. Even though I know he’s telling other girls that same things he’s telling me.
He’ll always be my best friend.
I’ll always love him.10 Secrets About Men