Boyfriend is Best Friends with His Ex

To give you a little background on our relationship, I am 24 years old and he is 34. I live in NYC and he lives in LA. We have been together for 18 months. The last year or so he has spent considerable amount of time in Long Island (due to his work) and so we have spent a lot of time together.


My situation...he is best friends with all of his ex's and I am not happy about that. When we first started dating he was also seeing someone else, Katie and Gabrielle.

I told him that I wanted to be in a closed/exclusive relationship and so he cut it off with them. He still talks to them and hangs out with them on occasion...dinner, movies, going to the beach. They hang out about 3-4 times a month.

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He also hangs out with his other ex's, Jennifer and Aimee who he has known for probably 6 years or so. He considers them to be his best friends.

Every time he flies back home and hangs out with them, my blood boils. It makes me so angry. I have expressed my concerns and feelings. I have told him that hanging out with ex's is very unsettling to me. He says they are JUST friends but to me I cannot see it that way.

They have had an intimate relationship with him...so to me I cannot see that being friends after that is ok. I have expressed my feeling on many occasions and each time it comes back with "I need to deal with it".

Just yesterday he hung out with Jennifer and one of her girlfriends. They asked him to come over to help them with their computer and then they were suppose to go out to dinner. Well then I find out that they also went to a movie. They spent over 9 hours together. I am livid.

Another thing that bothers me is that I found out that he tells Jennifer and Aimee "I love you". I asked him why he does this and he says that he loves them in a different way...as friends. I also found out that when he greets them, he kisses them on the lips. I told him that these things are not okay with me. He does not see the big deal. He says that they are just words and a kiss is just a greeting.

Yesterday before hanging out with Jennifer I told him "no kissing please" and he comes back to me with "Chill out. Trust me".

Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Should I be okay with the fact that he hangs out with his ex's?

When he goes back to stay in LA permanently, I don't if I will ever be ok with him hanging out with these girls. If it absolutely breaks my heart each time he hangs out with them is it worth it to me to stay in this relationship?

I see a future with him...I want spend my life with him...have children but definitely not at the expense of me having to feel this way. I am torn on whether or not I should end this relationship.

I feel like I have changed a lot of myself for him and yet I get nothing back in return. It's always "you have to deal with it" "you are insecure" "you don't understand because you are so young."

I part of me feels as though because it is because of his age he is set in his ways. He has been single this long for a reason. He is so set in his ways. It's his way or the highway and he is not willing to give up any part of this self for a relationship.

What do I do?? I am so confused.

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Apr 21, 2012
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My boyfriend talks to his ex still aftter 10 years
by: Anonymous

Hi I know how you feel my boyfriend still talks to he 1st girlfriend. it hurts me so much. I told him how i feel about it and said ok i wont talk to her. then I got a feeling that he went behind my back and found emails from them.

Jan 09, 2010
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Dump Him
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you feel and to be honest, you should either confront the other girls or leave him. I know that confronting those people will not be an easy task. They will probably flip out and get very defensive.

The best solution in my eyes would be to dump him and move on because he obviously hasn't listened to you. This means that he doesn't respect your feelings and your relationship together. It won't be easy to dump him after 18 months because you have so many memories and a lot of history together.

If you do decide to break it off with him, it may seem that it's the end of the road and you will never find another person better than him again, but I'm telling you that there is someone out there who is a million times better than that loser, who will treat you with much more respect and dignity. It will take time to heal but you will get there eventually.

A little background on md. I am in a very similar sticky situation. My boyfriend still talks to his ex-girlfriend and they are best friends. I have confronted him about it and he decided to be friends with her but not good friends. This may sound absolutely horrible, but I know they will drift apart because their friendship is via text and they hardly see each other. But it has to happen.

The only other way to deal with your situation is to manipulate him discreetly. This is mean, but if he won't listen to you or you can't dump him, then that's your answer, either that, or you'll have to put up with his crap.

I hope this helped you.

Good luck.

Sep 02, 2009
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boyfriend best friends with ex
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same situation...unless this guy is gay, he is definitely not just friends with these girls..drop the bitch. You deserve better.

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