Broken...

by ella
(south africa, cape town)

i'm standing beneath the midnight sky as my heart beats at a slow pace

i touch my face
and feel the tears running down
....i feel suffocated, trapped...

i just want to love you with all i have,
even if it's not enough...
i cant erase the past even if i wanted to
... yet i'm still being reminded of what i did...

almost suffocating, choking....
can't breath....
when you're not here...

reaching out,
holding on by my fingertips, don't want this to slip from my hands....
not now....
stay....

...i tried to sleep last night,
but something inside me,
kept me awake...
i drown in the thoughts of you,

and my heart is aching,
burning, not knowing if you're seeking revenge.
i can almost feel it within me
as the words cut through me...

I hear the whispered words,
I love you too.....
i'm invoked,
almost trapped by this unconditional love i have for you...

torn from the inside out,
tangled in endless hurt,
day by day i suffocate,
more each day...
until all my air is gone,
and one breath became my last.

when i see your face all the memories of you and me comes back.
even though i try to push it away,
it takes over me and before i know it,
it becomes everything i need,

i'm being killed deep within every time you open a door that was closed a long time ago and with it, broken wounds....

i cant seem to stop thinking of you.
even though i don't want to
even though i just want you to leave...
you don't seem to do within me..
well i'm broken and life is filling me with doubt
wondering if you'll ever come around.

the pain lingers within me...
no matter how hard i try
no matter how hard i try to deny it...
but i try to keep looking forward because the more i look back, the harder i seem to fall.

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