Confused ...

I'm in love with this amazing guy. We've been in a relationship for 33 months; almost 3 years. We've had a lot of ups and downs, but now it feels like we're finally smoothing things out; we never argue, always compromise.

Our relationship is light, goofy, playful and he tells me he doesn't see me as the woman he marries. I don't understand where this came from. It was completely out of the blue, one day he's happy and smiling and goofing around with me and the next, he's ignoring me and acting like a three-year-old and tells me I don't have a future with him. What did I do wrong? I don't understand.

I broke up with him and told him he needed to grow up emotionally. But then I calmed down and I talked to him about starting over, forgetting the past, a clean slate. That we should just be friends for a while, work on our friendship and he agreed it was a good idea, but now every time I try to talk about it, it's been like 2 weeks, he gets annoyed.

The only time he'll talk to me about it is if I'm either upset over it or it's really late and he's about to go to bed. It's the weirdest thing. He's acting like we're together, but we don't hug or kiss. But we live together and he takes care of me and I take care of him. We're very affectionate with our words.

When he mentions the future, he talks about us as an entity, not as separate people. I don't understand. The beginning of our relationship was very poor; we met online almost seven years ago. We've been friends for so long before we started dating. But when we met, I was in a very bad place mentally, I was suicidal and I cut; he was the one who pretty much saved me. Then we dated long distance for about six months. I moved in with him and his mother when I graduated high school. Things were really good, he was so excited for me to be there.

But now that I look back, he loved me way more than I loved him. I was young, I didn't want to be away from my family and I constantly took it out on him. I went back and forth a few times, constantly comparing things there to things when I lived with my parents. I bullied him, made fun of his family. Was pretty much the biggest bitch.

We moved out shortly after our one year and things were better. But I still made him cry until he threw up and I used him. But still he told me he loved me. Our two year came and went, things were getting better. We seldom argued and we were working things out. We moved again into a really nice apartment. Things started going really really well. I fell in love with him, I grew up. I realized this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

But after a while, I saw him pulling away from me. He broke up with me. Told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and he never had anything to talk to me about. That he wanted his freedom and he started talking about how scared he was of becoming his father and all this other stuff. But his actions contradicted his words and I could tell he wasn't being honest with himself because he couldn't look me in the face and he was acting like he was feeling guilty.

He constantly had to be touching me and flirting with me. But I was too upset, I had to leave for a while. So I went home, out of state for two months. During the two months I called him every other day to check on my rabbit and just to have conversation. When I got back, it was about 2 weeks, maybe less before he kissed me. Told me that people just say things when they're upset and he was still in love with me. SO we got back together and it was so wonderful. I've never been that happy in my entire life. We NEVER argued ever and it was so fun and playful and we kissed... a lot (:

But now, 4 months later, he starts pulling away again and this time he's saying that he doesn't see me in his future. And now he's acting really guilty. There is no one else, I know that much. But it still doesn't make sense. So I broke up with him. I want to clean the slate, but I still want to talk to him about what's wrong, what he's feeling and he doesn't seem to want to talk about him.

But it's always been about me, and maybe that was a problem. I've been acting happy and smiling and laughing, but my heart is hurting. I want him back- but I don't know how to get him back. Is it just a time thing? Did I ruin this relationship?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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