confused long distance relationship

by Sonia
(India)

Hi Laura,


I'm from India. I'm currently very confused with my life. I have been in a long distance relationship with this man for 3 years now and we were supposed to get married but due to misunderstanding between both our families, our marriage was cancelled.

I'm still seeing this guy without my parent's knowledge. Once or twice in a year he comes to visit me and we spend time together. He wants me to get married without informing my parents and previously we did have some fights where he linked me up with my best friend and abused me as well as he did abuse my parents which simply exhibited the negativity in his character.

But as he apologized later I couldn't but only forgive him and give him another chance. But his behavior is very temperamental.

Meanwhile I have started liking my colleague who cares a lot for me and he said that he is in love with me. I like his presence and sometimes we talk for hours even after office. My colleague is a married guy with a kid and he did say that he also loves his wife and kid.

So am i in love with this married guy and what should I do as I still love my boyfriend. Please give me a solution.

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Mar 15, 2012
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Reply To Penny's comment.
by: Sonia

Hey penny. After almost a year and a half, today while going through my old posts in this website, I suddenly came across this query of mine that I have posted a year back when i was in a troubled relationship. And today after a year i must tell you, you were so very correct. Your opinion about either of the guys was correct. And the guy from long distance relationship turned out to be a total jerk and showed his true colors. I got off that relationship last year itself. And finally this year I found the guy who loves me and respects me and we soon will be married by this year end.Thank you for helping me making a correct decision.

May 29, 2010
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Confused Long Distance Relationship
by: Penny

It seem both these men are not good for you.

As you pointed out, the long distance man has negative character (What's in him is a a part of him) and just because he apologized doesn't mean he won't abuse you again and apologize only to do it again and again. Don't be fool.

Your colleague said he cared for you and he loved you which I don't believe because he's married, has a child and in love with both that he will not divorce to marry you. He's not mentally or emotionally available for you, so don't waste your time. Be careful you don't fall for what he's telling you because it's not true; he's leading you on.

You are not in love with either of them, I believe that you want to be loved and therefore are giving love to the wrong type of males. You need to step away from both of them, so you can clear your head because you are confused and hurt.

The man that you need will be available mentally and emotionally, treat you with respect and will marry you.

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