Confusion and Love
by R M K
I have just broken up with my boyfriend 16yrs old of 6 months, all we ever did was kiss. I was a bit afraid to go further in case I did it wrong? Or something like that... Anyway we broke up and he's told everyone he still loves me, and he has even told me that. It's weird. I used to love him with all my heart, but then things changed, and I don't know what those things were, just things in our relationship were different and it wasn't flowing the way it used to. I guess you could say 'we lost our spark.' But that was breaking up... We've broken up now, and we have both agreed to get with other people, and stuff like that. But now we have broken up, I suddenly feel more confident in going that step further with a guy. Since I generally don't see myself as a mean person, I don't really want to because it would break his heart further. He would wonder why I would never do anything like that with him, but now all of a sudden I do it with other guys. I don't know what it is something just changed inside of me, and I think I just didn't see our relationship in that way. We all hang around in the same "gang" as such, and I asked him if he would be angry if I started to see or have flings with people in that group, and he seemed not to mind. But then I started to fall for our friend 16 yrs old, and one of his best friends. He is a real lady's man though, and we have been flirting and stuff but I have no idea if he thinks about me or anything, or whether he's doing it in search of a good time. I have kissed him, but that is an embarrassing story. On New Years Eve of this year, I kissed him, but so did my boyfriend at the time for a laugh. When I kissed him, I felt alive... he is so funny, a real nutter, really. He isn't afraid to do anything and is a right laugh, I generally have a good time with him. The other day, we were all out just having a good time and round a friends house, and I put my leg over him and started tickling him, and he did it back... It was great, and it was sort of flirty... I loved it. We were getting close all evening, and he had his arm round me a lot... Then, at the back of the tennis court we were getting close, but then this annoying guy came up and started joking about. I wasn't happy ... Then I had to go home, and later on MSN, he says the occasional flirty thing but then nothing else... I just want a reaction off him, and he doesn't say very much. I know MSN isn't good for portraying emotions, but I just want him to notice me, and I just wonder if he ever thinks about me in the way I think about him. I told my ex about this, because I have so much respect for him and I would never do anything just yet. He wasn't cool with it. He said that this guy had said I was hot before and stuff. I don't think I'm just up for another "relationship" yet, but a fling would be nice and exciting... I'm just so confused in my own head... Why won't he show me anything? I'm very mature-looking and acting for my age, so I attract older men, quite a lot. But sometimes I don't think I know what I'm getting myself into ... it's so confusing. |