Crushing Teenage Girl

by Anonymous

I've never heard of anyone in the same situation as me. I'm not a stalker or freaky person, I swear. And I've searched and searched and still have not found a situation like mine.


Freshman year in high school I fell for this boy. I didn't have any classes with him, but within days after deciding I liked him, it was brought to my attention that his locker was right next to mine.

I'm not a shy girl, but this boy had this effect on me, and talking to him was the scariest thing I could have dreamed up at the time. When he walked by or came to his locker, afterward I'd shake visibly and usually I'd be depressed that he didn't talk to me and just walked away.

Half the time I stared as he left, watching him get lost in the crowd of the hallways. That whole year it was up and down, a couple of times friends accidentally made it obvious that I liked him by revealing to him that I liked him, in a subtle way.

He knew I existed, I know this for sure. But I could not bring myself to talk to him. Especially during the middle of the school year I felt trapped, because I was in too deep into the year to just walk up to him and introduce myself.

There were many times that we silently opened our lockers, not saying a word to each other. My crush grew. And eventually it consumed my life. I knew I was only in love with what I imagined him to be; one cannot fall in love with someone they don't know.

It was a mixture of how he walked, talked (to others) and obviously, his appearance, and many other things. And of course I have synesthesia, a sensory disorder, and somehow in a weird way that's hard to explain I think that took part in attaching me to him.

There would be times where he looked at me different, or shot a nervous look in my direction and even an incident when I thought he smiled at me, but for the most part he was so shy he showed nothing.

I felt really stupid for liking him in the first place, but I felt even more stupid when, by the end of the year, I had made a big deal about him and made him this huge part in my life. Freshman year ended and I had not talked to him once.

Over the summer, it was a little easier to forget about him because I was not seeing him everyday. I thought maybe I'd get over him during the summer and sophomore year I could just move on.

But around the middle of summer this crazy idea had planted itself in my head. I thought that maybe if I told him through a computer message that I liked him, I would be giving him that nudge he needed.

I thought it would all be amazing and my dream come true, and that it would work exactly how I wanted it to. Memories from times I had thought he liked me were swirling around in my head, plus I was pretty confident because all that year people had told me I was pretty and a good amount of guys had asked me out.

So I did it. I told the boy I never even talked to that I liked him. I didn't eat for days. And when I checked the message's status a few days later it said 'read' and I broke down. He had read it and nothing happened. No reply. Nothing. I cried till I got sick. Mostly out of embarrassment.

It took the rest of the summer to recuperate and up until this very day. But through it all I had realized that mostly I just wanted to tell him, it didn't matter as much as I thought whether or not he liked me back. But it was still very hard.

Every day was a struggle, especially when I ended up in one of his classes. It was embarrassing, and my self-esteem dropped super low. Everyday I fell for the boy over again, as if it was meant to be even harder on me.

I've learned this year he is a whole lot more shy than I thought before, and that there is a small possibility that that is what had held him back, but I was careful as to not get my hopes up.

I wasn't going to play with false hope, and think that maybe he likes me after all this. So I'm working on accepting the fact that he doesn't like me. And I know that I should not expect that from a person who doesn't even know me.

A lot this year he has acted as if he is nervous and tense around me, and shifts between trying to keep my eye contact and avoiding it. I don't understand him, and I just automatically assume that it's because the message I sent him makes it extremely awkward to be around me.

I've tried taking my mind off of him and have been talking to a lot of other guys, but nothing is the same. Even though I don't know him he has a special place inside me, and some kind of hold on me.

But I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Once again, I promise I'm not a scary stalker person. Just a crushing teenage girl.

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Sep 28, 2011
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Crushing On That Someone...
by: Anonymous

Thank God I have finally found someone that I can relate to! I always feel like that creepy stalker who likes a boy that only stares at her in the hallway!

I met the guy that I like when I was in 5th grade. I had just moved schools and I wasn't as "pretty" as I am now. He was the boyfriend of one of my best friends back then, but she moved so it's cool.

I don't even know how I started liking him in the first place. We go to school together, but hes one grade down because he failed 4th grade. I really wanna talk to him but i just can't figure out how! I'm not part of his social group or anything and I always smile whenever I see him. Hes like the love of my life!!

Oh please somebody tell me how I'm supposed to fix this! ):

May 24, 2009
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crushed by my crush
by: Anonymous

Me too. I'm happy I found someone I can identify with. I was beginning to feel like a stalker too.

Feb 25, 2009
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Me too!
by: Anonymous

I am the same.
I really like a boy in my class but I cannot tell anyone!

This is the first time I have told anyone or even anything and i wasn't even sure if I wanted to do this. This might sound really stupid but it's all true. I really really like him and i have liked him for ages but I still can't tell him (or anyone else).

Nov 28, 2008
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i know how you feel
by: Anonymous

OH my goodness. i feel the exact same way. i did the exact same thing to this guy that i really like. i sent him a message and everything. and i checked to see if he read it and he did, but didn't reply to me. i cried for days on end. i fell in love with the dude the first day i saw him on the first day of school in tenth grade.

im in the 12th grade now and im still not over this guy. im about to graduate and it hurts so much that this guy and i arent together. i always feel personally hurt when i find out that he has a new girlfriend.

i dont know why because its not like he's my boyfriend and he's cheating on me. its not even like he's my ex boyfriend. i dont know why i feel this way.

there is almost no difference between our situations. only difference is my guy isn't shy. well he use to be but he broke out of his shell in our 11th grade year. but he has yet to let me know how he feels.

i heard a rumor that he thought i was attractive and he wouldn't mind talking to me, but like i said, it was a rumor so he never really came up to me and said this.

i have this love/hate type of feeling for him. like some days im so in love with him, but other days i feel like i hate him because i cant have him. not a day goes by that i dont think about this guy. and get this, i overheard him say that he's going to the same college that im going to. that means i have 4 + more years to deal with this guy.

i dont know what to do. i said one day i was just going to walk up to this dude and be straight up with him and ask him out. he can only say yes or no. if the answer is no then of course i'll be hurt. but at least i did something before i graduate. and he'll respond to me right there in my face instead of ignoring me like he did on the computer.

i know he's not the type of guy to blow me off in my face. but anywho.....you do have someone who is just like you. i know exactly how you feel.

Nov 02, 2008
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Similar situation
by: Anonymous

I totally have a similar situation! I'm in tenth grade and it crushes me everyday knowing that I can never have him! I'm dying over here and it hurts a lot.

The thing is I do know him but not since 5th grade and now I'm in 10th...and everything is different, of course! But he looks at me at just the right moments and it seems to me that I'm the only girl he pays more attention to in the hallway, but I cant tell and we're both shy and it's horrible!

I know exactly how you feel. I am the kind of girl who likes a guy for ongoing years! The thing is my heart gets amazing butterflies when I catch him in the hallway and somehow I keep that false hope close to me because I really do like this boy. I just wish if he did or didn't feel the same that something would happen!

Don't worry you're not a crazy stalker. I gaze at him as he is walking down the hallway too. I'm
just a crazy in love teenager who is crushed daily by this boy and he doesn't even know it!

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