Crying and Can't Move On

by Kat
(California)

I have been married for just over 28 yrs. The last 17 months my husband and I have been separated. It started out as an economical issue and some marital issues, but we did not intend to have a permanent separation, as my husband has made it.

He went to live in CA with his sister and our marriage fell apart from there. He allowed his family to interfere with our marital troubles and the next thing you know, they had him sign papers for a restraining order so I could not communicate with him at all.

I now have a permanent 3 year restraining order and this will make our separation almost 5 years before we see or speak to one another again. Yes my husband and I had multiple troubles but I still believe he loves me and I love him deeply.

I have cried almost everyday for the last 17 months and want him back. He has proven over and over to me he wants out and has had enough but I cannot concede to this. I have told him over and over how much I love him and he just stays with his family. We have always been a "down on our luck" couple with money which did not help matters, but due to what my husband has done in literally abandoning me, leaving me high and dry and penniless and homeless, I should just choke it all up and dump him but I really do not think he wants a divorce as he has yet to file and I'm not going to do it either.

Maybe it's true, he just doesn't want to pay support. He has not given me one dime in all the time we've been apart. I'm 55 yrs old and stuck in a position where I have to depend on a friend for a roof and SSI for income. I cannot nor do I desire to move on with my life.

I have been betrayed and dumped, burned and feel cremated from my marriage. My husband has never done this and also this has caused a family rift with my daughter and I. She is 25, married with kids and has told me "Dad is never coming back, get used to it."

What does she know that I don't? She is not speaking to me either and says if I do not stop talking about her father, I will not be able to see the grandkids or her. It has been 3 months since I have seen them.

What has gone so wrong that I have had to lose my daughter, husband and grandchildren all in the same year? I am so destitute and do not want to go on really. I have called my daughter but all she does is hang up on me.

I love this man with all my heart even more so nowadays and all I want is for him to come home so we can find each other again.