Crying and Can't Move On

by Kat
(California)

I have been married for just over 28 yrs. The last 17 months my husband and I have been separated. It started out as an economical issue and some marital issues, but we did not intend to have a permanent separation, as my husband has made it.


He went to live in CA with his sister and our marriage fell apart from there. He allowed his family to interfere with our marital troubles and the next thing you know, they had him sign papers for a restraining order so I could not communicate with him at all.

I now have a permanent 3 year restraining order and this will make our separation almost 5 years before we see or speak to one another again. Yes my husband and I had multiple troubles but I still believe he loves me and I love him deeply.

I have cried almost everyday for the last 17 months and want him back. He has proven over and over to me he wants out and has had enough but I cannot concede to this. I have told him over and over how much I love him and he just stays with his family. We have always been a "down on our luck" couple with money which did not help matters, but due to what my husband has done in literally abandoning me, leaving me high and dry and penniless and homeless, I should just choke it all up and dump him but I really do not think he wants a divorce as he has yet to file and I'm not going to do it either.

Maybe it's true, he just doesn't want to pay support. He has not given me one dime in all the time we've been apart. I'm 55 yrs old and stuck in a position where I have to depend on a friend for a roof and SSI for income. I cannot nor do I desire to move on with my life.

I have been betrayed and dumped, burned and feel cremated from my marriage. My husband has never done this and also this has caused a family rift with my daughter and I. She is 25, married with kids and has told me "Dad is never coming back, get used to it."

What does she know that I don't? She is not speaking to me either and says if I do not stop talking about her father, I will not be able to see the grandkids or her. It has been 3 months since I have seen them.

What has gone so wrong that I have had to lose my daughter, husband and grandchildren all in the same year? I am so destitute and do not want to go on really. I have called my daughter but all she does is hang up on me.

I love this man with all my heart even more so nowadays and all I want is for him to come home so we can find each other again.

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Jul 18, 2010
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You can come out of this a better you.
by: Anonymous

Sometimes when we are forced into a situation that we do not want...it turns out to be the best thing for us. Think of this as s guiding spirit, helping you to find the right path in life. Maybe you could help others who are less fortunate then even you.

I bet you have a lot of love to share with others, and you could really make a big difference in their lives, and at the same time get your self respect back.

Your husband may not come back into your life, but in time your daughter will begin to see her mother re-emerge, the real woman her mother is, and will be happy to have you back in her life. You will be a good example to her, as to show that even though your life went out of control, you had it in you to put it back in order. I wish you all the best.

Dec 20, 2009
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Live Live Live
by: Anonymous

You need to start living for yourself. You're already and older woman and life is going to keep passing you by and the important things are already going.

Get out and do something. I'll bet that he isn't crying all day. get some friends and try to get some section 8. Never ever let someone else define you and take charge of your life. If you do, you might as well be dead.

You're 55 and there are other men in the world. Shoot, all men are not the same and how will know this if you keep pining over someone who doesn't want you anymore.

Believe me, you are not the first to go through this and you won't be the last. I bet if you could change things, you would find a happiness that you never knew you could have.

Dec 19, 2009
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Your Ex is Done with You
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for your woes, but I see how you have created them! Why on earth would you call his work and ask them not to hire him? I would have dumped you a long time ago! As far as your daughter not speaking to you...I wouldn't either!

Who the heck wants the drama and stress from your crap...regardless of whether she is your daughter or not...people can only take so much stupidity!
I don't think you have to worry about dumping him...he's already dumped you! Smart man!

Now you need to get smart and move on...life is too short to dwell on the old...bring in the new. Get your crazy head together..get a place of your own, and quit involving other people in your unhappiness, as no-one needs your bull...I'm sure they have enough of their own!

Until you're happy with yourself, no one around you is going to be happy with you either. Find something to do with your life to fill the void and get on with it.

Smile, you have a lot more than others do...people that still care but just don't need YOUR unhappiness included into their lives to bring them down.

Sorry for the harsh reality, but your EX is done with YOU, get over it and get on with it!
As far as age, I am 52 and just single for the first time and have really learned to love it! No extra crap to deal with except mine. Wasn't very content at first, but I really like sending them home when I am done with them! No extra cooking, cleaning, laundry and so on.

Happy, happy...Joy, joy!

Dec 18, 2009
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Thanks but Im so lonely
by: Kat

I thank those of you who wrote in to comment on my current marital woes. I know what everyone has said and that is to ditch him and file a divorce. I am so in love with my husband and I feel he still loves me somewhere inside of him. I feel I have gone crazy at times. How do you give up a life and love after 28+ years? He has been my life for over half of it. At 55 yrs old,I don't want to be alone and we should never ever have reached this terrible point.

There are other reasons why the restraining order went into place that some of you will be reprimanding about too but his boss got in on the act when I called his work to ask them not to hire him on permanent and that he had left me and asked them to do the right thing in letting him go. He was hired temporary but after 90 days went permanent and I think the call I made to his boss added to them hiring him. Also I have felt that he may have gotten himself into a "jam" with another woman and possibly has had a child in the last 5 months too. This all coincides with his behavior and the Restraining Order too.

I will not give up on him and one day his little kingdom will collapse on him and family will grow old. There is nothing that convinces me he is not coerced into his behavior for a job and roof over his head.

I need to know how I can get the Restraining Order dropped...are there any pro bono attorneys out there who care about love and want to help me get rid of this order? Also does anyone know what "Conciliation" papers are? I think it is some kind of mediation.

Again,my husband has never filed a divorce. If he wanted out so bad, wouldn't he have done this? Yeah, he might be too cheap and not want to pay support especially since he may be having to pay for a baby too. A lot adds up here but at 53 yrs old, why would he get mixed up in that kind of mess if this is true?

Dec 18, 2009
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Wake Up
by: Penny

What love means/is to you seems to be different from your husband's definition and it seems like communication has left the relationship and without it, there is nothing!

In paragraph 2, you said, "He allowed his family to interfere with our marital troubles and the next thing you know, they had him sign papers for a restraining order for three years, so I could not communicate with him at all."

When he ALLOWED his family, he wanted them to have a say so in the matter. No one held a gun to his head to sign those papers to restrain you, this is what he wanted. His reason for not wanting to hear what you had/have to say or to speak to you means just that...He doesn't want to communicate with you.

In paragraph 4, you said, "He has proven over and over to you he wants out and has had enough." This means he's finished with you and the marriage. What seems to be the trouble is You!

You cannot concede to what he wants and therefore he moved away from you to give you space and time to accept what you don't want to.

In paragraph 5, you said it, "You cannot nor do you desire to move on with your life."

In paragraph 6, your daughter 25 years old; told you, "Dad is never coming back, get used to it!"

In paragraph 7, you ask, "What does she know that you don't?" She is accepting and listening to what her father has said and is giving it respect.

In paragraph 8, you ask,"What has gone so wrong that I have had to lose my daughter, husband and grandchildren in the same year?"

Learn to accept and respect what others have to say and want even if it's different from what you expect, feel,think or want.

Dec 18, 2009
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Soul Searching
by: DaBigInch

Pretty lady, you have done enough soul searching.

It is time to opt out and take a hint! This guy is not for you. Shed no more tears over him. He is a loser.

Get your act together, find another and move on. Sounds tough to do, but if you do not, you will wind up in the nut house with other nuts who have nuts as nutty friends!

Peace,

DaBigInch

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