Dealing with an I Guy
I have a few years into a relationship with a sometimes-wonderful guy. Great sex, we love each other, we have similar interests. A few things that stick out and make me wonder what's really going on as far as he is concerned.
The first is that he is an "I" guy. When he talks to other people about things we have done together, or will do, or even sometimes things that I have done but he was there, he says "I" instead of "we". For example, we just got back from a trip to Mexico, and he was on the phone with a friend saying "Yeah, I just got back from Mexico", "I really liked it", "I plan to go back next year" and so on. He had a 30 minute conversation about a trip we took together and he didn't mention me once. It was like I wasn't there.
This is not about me getting attention, but it just strikes me as really weird to talk that way. A normal person when describing events talks about the people that were with them. And by the way we had a great time in Mexico, so wouldn't I be a natural part of the conversation? He does this ALL the time, and our friends notice it too and occasionally ask where I was when he was doing such-and-such. I have had people that meet us ask me how I know him (!) because he introduces me by name and proceeds to talk about himself as if he were a single guy.
We have been together for several years, and have talked about this more than a few times. His response is that he doesn't notice that he does it, and that I should remind him... but he keeps doing it and can't seem to change. The impression I get, because of this and the next problem, is that he is trying to present himself as a single guy to most people.
The other big problem is that his personality changes dramatically depending on who else is with us. He can change in about 2 seconds from a considerate affectionate guy, to some weird disgruntled caveman who won't make eye contact with me, won't touch me, and is grumpy as shit with me but really happy and smiley with his friends. This is without any change in my behavior (initially although it eventually pisses me off)...
He is also controlling (a lot) and when I resist (usually) we have huge arguments.
So am I being an idiot staying with this guy? I'm not perfect either but I would rather be alone than with someone that is fishing for another partner.