Yes, I have had insecurities like every other person. I never think I'm beautiful. I have to put on pounds of make-up just to be satisfied. But, when I heard that this guy, who was one of the most well-known, popular guys at our school liked me, it seemed like everything had changed.
I'm on the cheerleading team at my school. He's on the football and basketball team. I saw him around school a lot. His hugs were indescribable. I just fell into his arms. I've never felt this way. Ever.
It was exciting for him to be "mine." But I knew one of my friends liked him just as much as I did. I was so blinded by his popularity that I hurt one of my best friends.
It took me 3 months to realize this. I had to sit there and think, "What the hell am I doing?" Every text that said, "I love you," did he mean it?
"You're the best girlfriend I have ever had!" he said.
I was blind. I loved the attention. But nothing that he said he really meant anything.
He was a ladies man. He flirted with every girl while we were going out. Even though I was upset, my feelings for him never changed. I still was in love with him. I broke up with him feeling as if this would keep happening and I would get hurt even more. A couple days after crying until my eyes were dry, I heard he now had a new girlfriend.
I didn't talk to him. Period, unless it was some major insult.
To this day, I have feelings for him, and I know I will never be the same. You never really get over someone you really had feelings for. While he was with his new girlfriend, hugging her in front of me, well actually, hugging all these girls in front of me, he was trying to get me jealous.
I missed his hugs. I was jealous. I missed being "his." But I realized that what we had was disconnected love.
Him and his girlfriend broke up, and now he's a single man. He asks me for hugs now. In my head I know what he's doing. I always deny that I still have feelings for him to my friends.
He was my first heartbreak. Even though I will have more to come. This BROKE my heart. I'm healing though and getting better everyday.
Even though I will never be the same. I'm happy the way I am.