Ending a Relationship - Summoning the Courage to End a Love RelationshipEnding a relationship ... Below is a question from one of our subscribers who is struggling with the idea of ending a relationship. What are your views on her situation? What do you think about my advice? How can you apply this to what you are currently facing in your love relationship?I've been dating a guy for nineteen years. I'm not in love with him, but I'm in too deep to think about ending the relationship. My son, grandson, mom—everybody loves him. He loves me more than life. I just can't see a way out. He is 66 and not in good health. I work for my church and we attend here. No, I don't live with him and I pay my way 90 percent of the time. Signed, Laura Love's Relationship Advice: Dear Helen, I understand your situation and have great empathy for you. It's tough to consider ending a relationship when you have such a long history together, your boyfriend is well-liked by your family and he has health issues to boot. First of all, understand that you do have a choice. By telling yourself that you're in too deep, you are convincing yourself that there is no way out. Stop telling yourself this for long enough to open your heart and mind and consider my love advice. There is a way out, but it requires honesty, not just within yourself, but with the people you care about. Sometimes, love dies. Sometimes, we realize that we care about someone, but that's not enough to sustain a love relationship. If you don't love your boyfriend in a way that fills your heart and do not want to continue to stay together, you have no obligation to do so. It doesn't make sense to remain in a love relationship just to please your son, grandson or mother, unless you relish being a victim and/or martyr. If you break up with him and your family members want to continue to have him in their lives, then so be it. 
Ending a relationship is tough, but its a journey to discovering who you are and what you want in life.Since you cannot imagine a way out for yourself, I want you to close your eyes and do a little exercise. Imagine that you have a daughter and you want the best for her. Your daughter has come to you and confided that her relationship, which everyone thought was happy, leaves her unfulfilled. Look into your heart. You have no obligation to love someone just because he loves you, even if he loves you "more than life." Often, in a love relationship, there is one person who loves more deeply than the other. That's how things work. But if you're staying in this relationship out of duty rather than love, then you'd better prepare yourself for what's coming next: anger, resentment, hostility, rage and possibly,depression. The dangers of not ending a relationship that has lost its soul are growing anger, resentment, hostility, rage and depressionYou don't need to stay with your boyfriend just because his health is failing. If you get something out of being a selfless caretaker, then that's another thing. If being in an unsatisfying relationship feeds you in some way, then its better to resign yourself without complaint. But just for a moment, consider your duty to yourself and your right to find what feeds your heart. You are not married to this man and you have not promised to love, honor and cherish him in sickness and in health. While your sense of duty probably stems from the fact that you are a good person and you don't feel it's right to abandon someone whose health could worsen due to ending a relationship, do you really feel its right to sacrifice your emotional health and well-being? Only you can answer this question. Only you can determine what you're willing to settle for in life. Ending a relationship is hard, but if you're unfulfilled, I'm sure your boyfriend senses it and after the dust has settled, perhaps you'll both discover that you are happier apart. Personally, I think you deserve the freedom and lightness of being that comes from being honest with yourself. You deserve to be fulfilled both in life and in your love relationship. Although some people can commit themselves to a life of duty and be satisfied that they are serving God, I sense this is not enough for you. Know yourself, Helen. Trust your feelings. Fulfillment comes from being honest with yourself, knowing what you need and want and following what is in your heart. I wish the best for you. I hope you can use my relationship advice in a loving and skillful way to reconcile your desire for love with your sense of duty. Learn how to create the
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