Friends or More?
So, this is quite a long story. About 2 and half years ago I met this girl through a friend. We started chatting straight away and we just clicked. We were into the same things, found the same things funny and just chatted for ages.
Something I found out later was that I actually kind of came onto her, but I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. The thing was for some reason even after me knowing that she had a boyfriend; I still wanted to know her. I still wanted to be her friend, I didn’t care that she was in a relationship - I just thought there’s no reason not to hang out with someone that you have so much fun with and is so similar to you.
So we occasionally saw each other because she was back at home a lot because of her boyfriend. Even though I had rarely actually seen her, for some reason I felt closer and more open to talk about things with her (when we met) than anyone else. I told her things that other people have no idea about.
So last year she was going through some tough times with her boyfriend, and decided to go on a break with him. But after this in her sensitive state, she actually ended up getting together with one of my best friends. I don’t think she knew exactly how I felt at the time, so it was all quite confusing.
But for me to see that happen was possibly one of the hardest things ever. I mean, I was happy being her friend, but at the back of my mind I always thought that if she was ever single we would be so good together. People are always commenting on how close we are and how much we are alike. So I was quite hurt by all this, and in the end I needed to tell her.
So I ended up telling her that I have feelings for her, and she said that she wasn’t looking for anything at the moment and her boyfriend issues were still playing on her mind. After this our contact became less and less, she was rarely in touch with me and I didn’t see her for around 6 months.
I occasionally got messages saying that she missed me etc, and I even tried to be annoyed at her and ignore her but I just couldn’t. I literally tried to be angry at her and not contact her but it was so hard.
After not seeing her for this long, I randomly met her somewhere and she ended up telling me that she has no idea what she's been doing for the past two years and kissed me. She said that this is what she should have been doing for the past two years. I was slightly cautious, but then again this was kind of my dream! We ended up getting much closer (physically) that night and it didn’t feel wrong at all.
In the following months we’ve been seeing more of each other and we’ve become more intimate. Becoming closer and spending more time together is making my feelings for her become so much bigger, and I keep thinking about a future with her. She always jokes about us getting married and knowing each other forever, but I genuinely have thoughts about this... I don’t want to get my hopes up about a quite complex situation, and I really don’t want to end up not even having her as a friend because it didn’t work out.
I keep trying to tell myself not to get too caught up in the situation but I can’t help thinking about her all the time. Then again I don’t want to act like I’m not interested at all! I just want some advice on what I should say to her, and how to calm down these intense thoughts I have about her. And what’s your advice on not letting this turn into a situation when were neither together or even friends....