Friends with Benefits or Lovers - What's the Truth of Your Relationship?

Friends with Benefits or the Makings of a Real Relationship?

Today's show is about the Female Player. Our question comes from Andy:

Dear Laura Love,

I met a girl about 3 years ago. I completely fell for her. She also seemed to like me, but whenever I wanted to talk about a serious relationship, she convinced me that she was so disheartened by her first relationship that she didn't want to fall into the same situation again.

This girl is pursued by many other guys, but she says that from her side, she just enjoys their friendship. I am old fashioned and don't hang with other girls. Since she wanted to focus on her career, I helped her as much as possible, gave her the time she asked for and stood by her.

One year later,  I learned that she was very close to a particular guy friend who she knew before she met me. In fact, a common friend saw them as boyfriend and girlfriend. I asked her about this relationship, but she lied to me and then later, admitted the truth. I stepped back quietly. I was devastated, but somehow I managed to live life normally again.

She got in touch with me periodically and we spoke. Recently, she was keen to meet me and convinced me to go on a date. She told me that she had made a mistake, her new boyfriend didn't live up to her expectations and she was very sad. I didn't ask her about the relationship or the guy, but told her that she should choose who she is most comfortable with.

friends with benefits

Things improved and she started to treat me like never before. I thought she had changed and we started to date again. I felt like she was on the edge of acknowledging our relationship but recently, she started acting like she did before and has made a 180 degree turn and now, just wants to be friends.

My question is: If she thinks of me only as a friend , then why did she keep that relationship with that old boyfriend secret? She always knew that I loved her from the bottom of my heart and she took advantage of it. She knew that I would be standing by her in her hour of need...that's why she wanted to remain friend with me. Am I just a friend with benefits to her? What's your opinion? Please tell me how to handle this situation.

Laura Love's Answer to Friends with Benefits?

Wow, Andy, you've been through a lot. You're a good man and you deserve a woman who values you for who you are. This woman is either very conflicted or a player, but her intentions don't really matter because its obvious that she doesn't cherish you. She needs you more than she wants you. She paints herself as the victim, while she uses you, knowing that you would do anything for her. I see her as a spider and you are the fly, caught in her web of lies.

As much as it will shatter the dreams that you had for a relationship, you cannot have a relationship with this woman because she is unstable. You need to let go of her. You can't save her from herself, but you can save your heart from her deceit. Being friends with benefits is simply not enough for you and that speaks volumes about your character.

Tell her that you can no longer be friends with her. Your friendship was all about her and her needs anyway. Be strong and go your own way, like you've done before. Take some time out, heal your heart and one day, I promise you, you will find a woman who deserves and cherishes your big heart and your integrity. And if you take the time to heal your heart, you will be able to love her with your whole being.

So that's our show. If you have a question about relationships, click on the link in the video description box to head over to my site. While I can't answer every question, I am available for individual relationship coaching. Make sure to sign up for my newsletter of inspirational quotations.

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