Funny Woman Quote: Quotations that Help Us Lighten Up

Our funny woman quote collection below is designed to help you laugh at male-female relationships, housework and life in general. When things become exasperating, lighten up! It's a great way to let go of control (when you really have none) and give yourself and those around you a break.

The quotations that appear below are from some of the funniest women and female comedy acts of our time. If you have a favorite quotation to share, please submit it using the Contact Us link to the left. Please be sure to cite the source of the quote.

Funny Woman Quote

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

~Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

~Roseanne Barr

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

~Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson

Funny Woman Quote

Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened.

~Cora Harvey Armstrong

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

~Janette Barber

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

~Lily Tomlin

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

~Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

~Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk until I faint.

~Erma Bombeck

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

~Bette Davis

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

~Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

~Jane Sellman

Funny Quotations for Women

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.

~Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

~Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

~Caryn Leschen

Funny Woman Quote

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

~Jennifer Unlimited

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

~Catherine

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.

~Dolly Parton

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