Getting Back Together

Getting Back Together: Is It Worth It and How to Do It Right?

I was with a girl who had many trust and growth issues; she would distance herself from the world on a personal level, often going weeks without talking to her family and would take any comments about the things she did wrong. Either she would turn the conversation into an argument or burst into tears and behave as though I was leaving her.

I love(d) her ... more than words can say. I hired counselors and my own family came in as occasional counselors, but after seven years together-and the last three being steadily worse each time-I gave her an ultimatum to actually try to make it work or leave. She left, revealing that she had been planning to for some time because she had an apartment to move to early the next morning.

She has since kept herself apart from the world. My family has been pleading sympathy on my part. Her eldest sister told me I should be at peace because I have more than done my part and that my ex needs to grow up on her own.

I have never mistreated her or lied to her and I (wrongly) forgave the wrongs she did after her apologies, hoping that she'd "get it" and the weight of all she did, combined with the revelation of her new life that she was setting up really hurt me in a deep and wounded way. (It's been 3 months since the problems had become too serious to ignore and 1 month since she left.)

She has talked about still loving me and someone told her that couples don't change in relationships, which is something every married couple I've spoken to, from my elders to couples I know as friends, have told me is false, and that maybe if I was so unhappy, then she wasn't the one.

Is there a way to make her desire me enough to provoke change or is this a waste of my time? Her faults are serious enough that no one could be in a "real" relationship with her as she is and I believe, deep inside, she knows that. What do I do?

Get back the love of your life