Have Been Friends for Too Long

by mary
(toronto)

I am having a really hard time with this: there is this man who I believe I have been in love with for a very long time (20 years). We have never dated, but we have been having sex. He knows how I feel about him. In the last few weeks, we agreed to try dating. I guess so far it has been okay. But the sex has not. I don't know how to be sexy with him. I know I really want to be with him and if it doesn't work out, I have told him that we no longer would be friends of any kind. I really mean it. We have a long and painful history, but I would like to see what happens. I have let him know some of the the things that concern me about him. He has also said that it would not work because I am not myself around him which is true.

In the past when we fought or had a disagreement, we just stopped talking for months or years, but he always came looking for me. I also asked him why he is still my friend if he thinks I am not myself. He never has an answer for that.

Now during this thing (friendship: sex between friends), I have never had sex with him when I have been in a relationship with someone but I am guilty of sleeping with him off and on during his 10-year marriage. (He is single now.)

PLEASE Help ME