Hopeless Love Story?
"I like you, a lot. Please give me a chance."
I wish I hadn't shot him down. My best friend, well, kinda (we lost contact for awhile), since seventh grade was sitting across from me, as handsome as a Greek God.
How could I have said no? Oh well, I did.
I told him the distance was a huge factor. "You live an hour and a half away!" He looked forlorn, but agreed that he hadn't thought of that.
Later that night, he posted that he wanted to move back. How I wished he had never left.
May 24. The night my heart soared.
Sitting on his bed, laughing and being completely goofy, we had a moment. He held my hand. Dinner was called and seeing as I had already eaten, I did not accompany him. He did demand a hug, and well, I didn't argue.
It was simply magic. I fit so perfectly against him, it was kinda weird. And as I let myself fall too hard for him, he whispered in my ear: "I could get used to this..."
He ate and returned and pulled me against him. He wrapped both arms around me and told me it was amazing how perfectly I fit in his arms. I giggled, but agreed quietly to myself. It was remarkable.
I sat up, and started to fidget with my shoe. He sat up and looked at me. I looked back, suddenly very aware of the closeness of his face. And it happened. A connection that could possibly top the "first kiss connection" (yes, this kid was indeed my first kiss in 7th grade. Cute or weird, I dunno.) It was just perfect. Plain and simple. Perfect.
The night continued like that. We fit so well together, it was weird, but touching. Finally, I had found the guy that made me feel unique and special. The guy I just loved to hang out with and laugh about silly things. I had fallen for my best friend.
The night had to end, and we parted after another amazing hug and simply breathtaking kiss.
May 25. The day I almost completely shattered.
He was leaving. It brought me close to tears. Leaving and returning to Fichers. I knew this was going to happen. Why would I let myself be so completely stupid!
He stopped by. We talked and although I tried to hide my sadness, it seeped through. "SMILE," he instructed me. So I did, the best fake smile I have ever had. My dad eyed us warily from the garage. "Just tell him we're just friends and that I came to say good-bye. It's the truth right?"
My heart stopped. What? No, no, no, no, no, no! Did last night mean nothing?! Was I just a weekend fling? Oh my God. I thought I was going to melt right there on the sidewalk, leaning against his car. Why? NO! Please God I'm begging you, no!
I frowned, and replied with a measly "yeah, I guess.."
He shot me a look. I looked away, trying to hold back the tears I could feel forming behind my eyes.
"I might be in town next weekend. We could hang out again..." Yeah, great.
As much as I wanted to hang out with him, my heart throbbed. I knew that no matter how much we cared, how much we tried, it would end like this every week. I could tell that he wanted more. He wanted me. To hug me and keep me close. I knew that. But it wasn't likely to work out. Oh the horror.
This heartache will last. I just have to learn to live above it. I'm not moving on either. How could I? I had now experienced life with him. And it was a hell of a lot better than life with out him. So now what? How do we continue from here? As Kelly Clarkson says, "It's a long shot, but I say ... why not?"
So why not? I would give ANYTHING to be with him. Anything and you CAN quote me on that.
Is there hope? Will he give me a shot? The odds are against us, that may be true. But why not? What is there to lose?
Nothing that hasn't already been lost.
Now if only I could muster up the guts to tell him all of this.
If only you knew..