Husband and Female Co-worker

by Brenda
(Ann Arbor, MI)

Husband and Female Co-worker


Am I being over-reactive and insecure? My husband has developed a close friendship with a female co-worker (who also is my neighbor). They did 2 hour lunches once a week for months until her husband walked in her office and found her on my husband's lap. My husband claimed that she slipped and fell on to him while he was seated in her chair. I believed him.

I told him I was uncomfortable about their friendship and asked him to end it. A few months later, I did some snooping and caught him in a few lies. The lunches and friendship continued.

He was upset with me that I gave him an ultimatum. I have asked him one more time, for the sake of our marriage, to end all breaks, lunches, and communication with her telling him it wasn't an ultimatum but a re-commitment to me and our marriage. (They work in different departments.)

He is hesitating on re-committing to me. Am I being over-reactive and insecure? In my book, if they are lying and sneaking around, there must be something to hide.

Thank you!

Bring back the joy and passion to your marriage

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Apr 05, 2010
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Not Over - Reacting
by: Penny

I'm on the same page with you. Something is going on, no matter what he says.

She slipped...over what? Her feelings for him!

Apr 05, 2010
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Husband and Female Coworker
by: Laura Love

Hi Brenda,

You're not being overreactive and insecure. Given the fact that your husband was found with his female coworker on his lap, you have a right to be concerned and draw the line with regard to your relationship.

You didn't mention what your husband was lying about, but the fact that you caught him lying and the fact that his interactions with this woman have continued despite your reasonable protests indicates that he is choosing his affair over your relationship.

I know it's hard to realize that the person who you're married to doesn't have the same values and level of integrity as you, but perhaps it's time to take a good hard look at your marriage and ask yourself if your husband brings out the best in you or if his actions just leave you mistrustful and suspicious. It is impossible to create a happy life with a partner who you can't trust.

If you do believe that your marriage is worth saving, I recommend The Us Factor which is relationship therapy in a box and illustrates how couples who have been divided by time, children, affairs, etc. have come together and renewed their love and passion for each other.

If you decide to end it and strike out on your own, you may want to consider relationship coaching at some point.


Best of luck to you. Write back and let us know what happens. I hope this helps.

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