I am Lost

I have loved this girl for years, maybe six years, maybe more. We knew each other from school. At the time, she had troubles with her boyfriend. We never talked about this. She just told me.

When we talked on MSN, she told me "you should not expect too much from me." Later, when we were together, I gave her a compliment about her hair and she smiled about that. Then she touched her hair, and looked in my eyes.

I caught her looking at my body. She always gave me kisses and said she cared about me. We talked had good talks. I asked her once if she would come to a party and she said maybe. She was there.

Now, it's been 3 months since I've seen her. I lost her completely and feel very bad. I thought she would come to another party, but she didn't come and I was sad.

I went to her house and waited on her street. I wanted to leave, but I saw a dude knocking on her door. She left with him and I followed. They went into a bar.

Later, I followed her back to her house and waited for 2 hours. Her neighbors didn't like that I was waiting there and called the police. After that, she finally came out and we talked. I told her that I loved her and she told me that she loved the guy she was with, but she said he didn't love her the way she loves him. So in a weird way, we're in the same situation.

When she told me she didn't love me, I was broken. I had always hoped for the best since she was everything to me. I hoped that when I had her, all the pain would go away. There is no way to live, nothing interests me anymore. I don't want another girl she is the most beautiful thing in the world. But if she doesn't love me, nothing matters.

When I got home she had send me a note. In it, she said:

I only wanted to help you, and be company for you. I had problems with drugs, and was lonely. I never wanted to hurt you, and I'm sorry for not telling you earlier that I didn't love you. I thought you knew how I felt.

Then she said, "I can't give you what you expect from me."

She said that she is worried and that she hopes I have enough brains not to do something stupid.

I am broken, still hoping, can't go on. I have no control anymore, there's nothing to do. I almost have no friends and I am always at home, most of the time in front of computer.

Please don't tell me that I should seek help somewhere else.

Please give me hope. What should I do?