I can't choose between two men
I am 17, in a relationship with guy 1 for 2 1/2 years. He was so romantic at first and always supportive of me. I thought I loved him and we planned to be together forever. I was really happy. He is a lovely guy and my best friend, we are each others firsts.
However in the last year I have had a lot of stress and issues at my college etc. He has supported me and his family is like my second family. I know he would never cheat and will be there for me forever.
Lately, I feel the romance has died, he never buys me flowers, or tells me how much I mean to him, and our dates are hardly going out, I have to nag to go for walks etc. I really loved him but I feel he put no more effort into the relationship to keep that spark going.
Recently, I found guy 2, who has the qualities my boyfriend hasn't got, e.g. going out, same interests and no negative talk etc. We're so similar it's scary. He really likes me, and I want to be with him but I have a feeling I want this guy 2 qualities, but my guy 1 to be that man.
I feel so guilty, I haven't told either about the other guy.. If I do, guy 1 will be so hurt and I'll lose guy 2 because I lied. I have done a terrible thing, I cheated with guy 2 on my boyfriend. And the next day told my guy 1 I didn't want a relationship but best friendship.
Sometimes I feel I have made the wrong decision, I broke his heart and he won't pick up the phone etc. He still loves me. But I havent told him about guy 2 and my cheating. I regret it a lot, but don't know why I still have strong feelings for my boyfriend. I feel I have lost that support and companionship I need atm.
I don't know what to do and time is running out... I feel so selfish, I want them both.. And it's cruel. And I'm hurting over it. Please help, advice anything..
If I stayed with my boyfriend, does he deserve me if I cheated.? I couldn't live not telling him if I stayed, it would be a dagger to the heart. It's just this new guy2 is so flattering and I feel wanted and not sure what to do to help me in the long run. I want love and happiness... :s