I fell for my friend

by Brian C.
(Connecticut)

One of my best friends, who is a girl, broke up with her boyfriend of two years about a month ago. She has been sort of crying on my shoulder and seems to be doing better. A little background information: we are both in college, we live in the same town and we have been friends since early in high school. We go to different schools but talk very often. To start the story it was about a week ago, and I got a little messed up the other night and made out with one of her good friends, but only because she told me to. She had seemingly been giving me signs for a couple weeks now. She asked me to quit an addictive habit, you can guess what, for her and in doing so she would give me a kiss. She also said she wanted to kiss me on New Year's Eve at midnight, this was the night she said i should make out with her friend. I was at college and she was very excited to see me when i got home and had been talking about it for two weeks before it. When i got home she said its the best she had felt for a long time. A bunch of my friends had commented how there was some "romantic tension" and harmless flirting. After New Years Eve she was pissed at me, I figured the only reason she was upset is because she liked me too, i don't know if i wrongfully assumed this or not. But since then we have talked about it because i told her i liked her while messed up. She never gave me a straight answer, when i straight up asked her whether she felt the same way she avoided the question and all i ever wanted was for her to be honest. Since then she has been upset and then has since stopped caring what i say. As i try and talk to her all she says is okay or sure and wont give more then a one word answer. I don't know what to do, she has some problems right now with everything that's going on but i fell for her and hard. I want to keep her as a friend cause she means a lot to me but at the same time i want more, i haven't been eating or sleeping too well but she says she doesn't want to ruin our friendship, which i consider bull because i myself have used that excuse. What should i do? Or at least what direction should i go in?