I think I love him, but I'm so young!

by Kym
(Uk)

There's this guy, who goes to my high school—we used to be in the same class in primary and that's when I started to like him. I met him in P5 but I thought he was an idiot: he was always joking about in class, making himself look stupid and vulgar.

But when we moved up to P6, I started to see the funny side of it, (or get a sense of humor I guess!) and I thought he was really nice, but then my feelings started to grow. It was just a stupid little crush at first. But then, I thought about him more, until he was all I thought about.

I would get jealous when the other girls started to flirt with him, even though I knew he would never like any of the plastics, I also knew he would never like me.

Then, when we went up to S1, I never really thought about loving him before, and I guess I didn't think I could, because I'm not even 13 yet, but still. I hadn't told anyone about my 'crush' on James because; ONE: everyone would go and ask him out for me, without my consent and TWO: if they didn't do that, they would make fun. So I kept my mouth firmly shut.

He stopped speaking to me after high school started, but that didn't seem to affect me, it was enough to know he was alright, that I could see him, even if he didn't seem to care about me.

Then I noticed when I looked at him by accident one day, he was looking back, and we just stared at each other. It was weird, I mean, I'm probably exaggerating, but that was a really amazing moment between him and I.

Then I finally decided to tell my friends about him and my feelings toward him, laurie, jess, amanda, leanne, gwen, and amy, alot of people in one go I know, but I had kept this secret for 3 years now, P6, P7, and the most of S1. They thought it was terrific, and said we would make a great couple, but for some reason that didn't make me feel any stronger on asking him out or even talking to him. I felt like a stalker, but I didn't follow him or anything, I just looked once or twice a day at him, just making sure everything was okay.

I'm in S2 now, and I still feel strongly for him, but I don't know what to do. I did ask him out once in P7 but he said no, and I'm frightened to be hurt like that again, especially if he's gonna change his mind.

Please help me and give me some advice.