I'm so Lost

by peyton.grey
(USA)

I have been off and on with a guy named Hayden and last summer around my birthda,y we got in really bad fight and I was so upset. Then I went on this blind date with my sister and her boyfriend and her boyfriend's cousin. We went to some places and then came home and I had my first drink. I was so ashamed of myself and completely disgusted with myself.

I wanted to tell Hayden, but I was afraid of his disappointment. I told my Bishop right after that and he helped me get that whole day out of my head somehow. It's been 9 months and O just had the feeling to tell Hayden about that night.

He completely freaked out at me and said all of these things I know he didn't mean. A couple of years ago, he used to cut and was very very depressed and so I made him tell his parents right then, so he could get help.

As soon as I told hayden he was like, "Tell your parents right now" and I was like it isn't even a problem right now and it doesn't matter because I've repented and it's all good now, so go ahead and get mad at this, but I'm sorry.

He is freaking out at me and said he has always looked up to me because I helped him out of his mess and he has became so strong because of me. Then I did that and everything has changed.

It completely tore me apart hearing all of that. I stayed home from school because I can't deal with seeing his face disappointment in me. Should I text him back and what should I say? I need help :(