Interracial Crush

by Shona
(NH)

I noticed him on the very first day of my new middle school. It was a new school year. He was gorgeous—the best looking guy I had ever seen. Then as the months passed, one of my friends told me that he had been looking at me and smiling a lot.

Then I started catching him staring at me, and he started noticing that I did the same. I was happy, because my friends would always tell me that he liked me back. I wasnt sure about that, but it kind of seemed like it.

He was always near me or staring at me with a tiny smile on his face, but the thing that bothered me was that he talked to a lot of people, even ones he wasn't really friends with. but he never talked to me.

I don't know if it's because he was too nervous, but I was a little upset that I hadn't spoken a single word to him, but the staring and smiling at each other went on for a while.

Then he found himself a girlfriend. I felt crushed, and a little betrayed, because I was so convinced that he was feeling the same way about me. But I guess it was just me and my crazy imagination.

After that, he stopped looking at me in class, and kind of stopped acknowledging me, which hurt. A lot. I had never felt so crushed and hurt.

He was my first crush, and I thought we were getting somewhere, but I guess not. He loves someone else now, and that's reality. The thing is, I always knew this would happen, because I knew that in reality, he wouldnt really ask me out because I'm asian (japanese), and he's white. An interracial relationship was never going to work out, and I knew it.

I just always had this kind of hope that it would be different with him. I'm still madly in love with him, we still haven't said a single word to each other, so now I want to get over him. I want to just forget about him.

It hurts to look at him every time and think "he loves someone else. some american chick who's way hotter and prettier than you." I want to get over him so badly, but I just can't. And it's really killing me.

Attract the man of your dreams