Is This Love?

by Angela

Is This Love?

I'm 16 years old and I have never been in love. Never been kissed, held, or loved.

My friends have all been in relationships and they say they cannot picture me having a boyfriend. Whenever I find out someone likes me it's someone I either don't know or dislike.

I always feel alone. Out of a crowd of people I notice the couples holding hands or holding each other first. I want to be held and have someone to talk to. Someone I can be excited to see everyday. Someone who will call me beautiful.

I cry at night about this subject all the time. I can't brush it off. I'm not trying to rush into a relationship or anything, but if anyone can understand how I feel, please comment.

It's that feeling when you feel isolated and no one really cares about you. The urge to hold his hand or say something when you see him. You daydream about it. You dream about it, but you believe it will never come true.

I like this guy in my grade. Last year I thought he had a great style and personality and this year I feel different around him. He's in one of my classes this year and whenever I see him I can't take my eyes off him. He's close friends with my girl friend, but at the moment he's in a long distance relationship.

I first realized he was perfect when we danced. We have a dance unit in gym class for two weeks. For one class I got to be his partner for the whole gym class. One hour. Just one was enough to make me fall for him harder than I realized I could fall.

I got high off his smell. My heart pounded when he looked me in the eyes and smiled. We talked briefly. We're both quiet and shy. When we were paired up we were required to hold hands. Most people roll down their sleeves and barely touch hands like it's the end of the world. I almost fainted when we intertwined our fingers. No one else did that in the entire class.

After that one hour of holding hands and having his hand on my back, I felt at home. I didn't want it to be over. It was like one of my dreams.

That's as close as I will get to him. He doesn't know that I like him or that when I see him, it makes my day. He's the one that drags me out of bed and gets me through the day without knowing it.

I wish I was close to him like my friend is. They always hug and talk to each other. He's also close with my other friend in gym class. She's a girl, too.

He's so nice. He's different from every other guy I've ever met. If we were close it would be easier to tell him that I love him.

But is this love? I do not know. I want him to notice me so badly. Sometimes I think my other friends get in the way.

I have two years left of high school with him. Maybe one day he'll finally notice that I have been watching him all these years.

I love you C.L.

How to find out for sure if someone is right for you