it's complicated

(NJ)

I had a best friend, we told everything to each other, shared EVERY secret each of us had, but she had two best friends..me, and this other guy. I didn't know what that other guy was until one day my best friend showed me to him, as soon as I saw him I ran out of breath, I couldn't say anything, my eyes were so focused on him... I was in love! So, I tell my best friend I have a HUGE crush on him, and she stares at me...shocked, then she tells him, he says he didn't want to hurt me, that I was very nice and sweet, but he didn't like me!

Every time I saw him, I was embarrassed, I didn't want him to look at me, I felt ashamed! It's been a year, and I still can't get him out of my head! I cry every night, wondering "will he ever talk to me, just say hi, at least?" I REALLY love him, he doesn't, he thinks of me, as a shy, sweet girl, but nothing else, I think of him as my whole world, the only reason for me to stay alive! Why is life so difficult?