Lied to Again

by Britt Nantz
(Illinois)

Lied to Again

Four years ago, I met this guy at a friend's birthday party. His name was Zachary. We hit it off right away. When we talked, it felt like we have known each other our whole lives. I fell fast. I didn't mean to...it just happened that way.

He moved about 3 months after we started dating. I was hurt so much by that. It didn't help that his parents hated me for no reason. He bought me a ring right before he moved, then wrote me a letter that I couldn't read till he was gone.

The night he left I was crying non-stop so my friend picked me up to stay at her house. I read the letter there. I only got negative things out of it. Back then he didn't have such a way with words and him not coming to say goodbye like he promised didn't help. I wanted to talk to him so badly and couldnt get a hold of him.

About 3 days after he moved, I finally got to talk to him. We cleared everything up. We stayed together for a year. The distance became too much and he was always moving. He would surprise me with visits though.

He finally made his move to college...after he was there for a little bit, I felt something was wrong...he wasn't as open with me. He came to visit me at Christmas break and this girl kept calling. I got mad because this was our time together and I didn't like a random girl calling him, so I answered his phone. He did let me.

I explained to her that he was spending time with me since I never get to see him and to please stop calling. We talked about her (Rachel) and he said she was just a friend. I didn't fully believe him because she called at least 5 times in 3 hours or so.

He went back to school and a few weeks later, I found out she liked him. He said he didn't like her. I let it go for a few months. I prepared to see him in the spring...I finally had the money to. My friend was worried about me because the girl who called when I was with him wasn't going away. My friend started talking to a girl that she thought was Rachel but it was his friend Rachelle.

One night we were laying down watching a movie and my friend called me...she told me it was important and to get where he couldn't hear me. Rachelle had told her about him dating this girl Michelle from October to January...during the time he was visiting me.

I didnt believe it, so I asked him. He said no, so my friend read me the messages. I asked again and he said no again. I explained to him that Rachelle said he did and he said she was lying. I asked him why she would lie. Finally, he asked me to get off the phone because we needed to talk.
He told me everything. I was shattered that he lied to me so long. I trusted him and he broke my heart.

After I learned everything, I showered and went to sit outside to get away from him. My friend was ready to come get me. After we hung up again, Zachary's roommate came outside and sat with me. We talked about it. I still loved him but was so hurt. I just couldn't handle losing him. I slept on the floor that night, crying the whole time. I kept getting sick...I was in bad shape...I tried being quiet, but he woke up anyway...he tried to hold me but I didn't want him touching me.

Finally, we both got everything out...I was still hurt but I chose to stay with him. I made the choice to meet Michelle...that's the ex girlfriend. I was so mad the second I saw her. I couldn't help it. I was nice though. I didn't want to be around her. We stayed at the mall for a little bit and then we went home. We made the best of the time I was up there.

I kept visiting until he moved to Arizona...that hurt worse then the first move, but I was happy he was getting away from Michelle. I didn't trust her. I didn't want her near him. He thought I was paranoid. Maybe I was. I had coped with him being so far away and we still had the Michelle problem because I wasn't able to talk to him about it.

Then he moved again to Missouri. I was happy that he was closer but still 8 hours away. Michelle kept coming up more and more. One night, it all finally came out. I didn't feel better about her but it was nice to get it all out.

It started because on Facebook he clicked "like" on her becoming single and it bothered me a lot. He said it was because he didn't like the guy she was dating. I didn't believe him.

A few weeks later, this random guy messaged me. U looked at his profile and it was Michelle's most recent ex. He informed me that Michelle went to visit Zachary a few weeks ago. I didn't want to hear it because me and Zachary were working it all out and were happy. Josh (Michelle's ex) also informed me that Zachary and Michelle SLEPT together while she was there. I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't have been true.

I called Zachary and asked when he last saw Michelle. He tried to beat around the bush but I wouldn't let him. He told me she came to visit. I was mad about him not telling me when she was there, then I asked what they did. He didn't tell me much, so I asked about when they were alone. He didn't say anything. I made it sound like she told me so he wouldn't lie...he finally admitted it.

We fought about it and I sent her a message and had my friend who told me everything in the first place about her come over. I was in more emotional pain than I have ever felt. He kept telling me I didn't have anything to worry about when it came to her. He had lied again. My world shattered that night. I lost my everything. I found out 6 days after our 4 year marking. I had everything and now I have nothing.

He keeps saying sorry and he didn't mean for it to happen. He now sees a side of her he didn't know...the side I tried telling him about. It took for her to try to play on my emotions and make me feel bad and guilty for him to open his eyes. He wants to work it out but I can't do it. Four years of trust thrown away because she decided to go down there.

She claims she wanted me and him to work it out and that she has done nothing, but try to help me and him. I told her off at that note. Then she tried to pull the line of "he cheated on me with you and I was a good enough person to overlook that, I'm sorry for wanting to see my friend." That was a mistake to say to me. I told her she doesn't know what its like to have the love of your life ripped away because she couldn't respect what we had. I didn't know she even existed till long after they were done.

I lost everything because of her and I hope she is proud of herself. Of course I didn't say it all that nicely. Now I just don't know what to do. I don't want him out of my life. I don't want him in it. I don't want him to hurt me like he kept on doing because of her. I don't want to be in pain anymore.

I'm in pain from what he did and losing him. I think losing him is what hurts the most. That's why I'd take him back to get the pain to stop, but I can't. I always told myself I was better than that. It's just so hard to walk away from over 4 years of my life. The only guy that I've been in love with, but I know I can't trust him anymore. I'm so torn. He hurt me once when it came to her and he hurt me again. I want to hate him and never talk to him again, but I can't. He doesn't seem to get what I'm going through. I just don't know what to do.