by caisey

when i was 18 i met ben who was 16 i couldn't stand him but he didn't take no for an answer he followed me everywhere so i gave him a chance and he quickly became the one person i counted on and my best friend we did everything together the only time we were apart was when we were home, he opened up and said his feelings but i was unsure what i felt so did open up.

he told me he wanted to take it to next stage, i was so scared and didn't know how to react i tried to scare him away by saying ok i will if you get me pregnant that's a promise (i don't break my promises) he said ok if I promise never to have an abortion so i got lol boy did i have a heart attack so things went as planned and i soon discovered i was pregnant and was having mixed emotions and doubts i realised i had fallen head over heel but my heart was shattered when i found out he began dating i felt ugly, useless and i hate to admit i blamed it on the baby when it was really my fault.

So at 3 months pregnant i couldn't watch him be with someone else while i was starting his family so i stopped answering his call texts and avoided places he would be. i was alone and i have never been so scared but my baby need me i had to be mum and dad suddenly i hadn't been happier and couldn't wait to meet my baby as i watched ultrasounds and slowly counted down the days and weeks.

Finally November 14 2003 i went into labour i tried calling him but no luck my daughter *Dakota* was born and as soon as i seen her i have never felt a love where you would die give your life to save theirs but i was devoted to her and looked after her every need.

Ben called me 3 weeks after to see if the baby was born and i told him he had a daughter. he asked me to meet her. when he asked to hold dakota he cried and i fell in love again, but once again he disappeared.

then 2 years later my friend ran into while he was passing through town and he gave her his number to give to me i called him with mixed emotions. he had left town but turned around and came as i walked towards him i held my daughters hands and he stood like he was frozen. i told dakota that's your daddy and she goes "daddy" the first time she had ever said the word the tears fell down both our faces as i watched my daughter bond with her daddy it was like had never been apart.

i met his girlfriend who who nice but deep down i was jealous. we kept in contact but i had a fight with his girlfriend so again he disappeared out of our lives for another 2 years. he came back this time cause i needed him. my dad got attacked and was on life support and i was a little messed up. dakota seen him and all she said was daddy. i didn't think she would remember but suddenly she didnt want me but her daddy.

he came back into our lives again and we finally started to date and in time he proposed thinking he was joking (as he told me he would never get married). i said no and laughed and he disappeared out of our lives once again. 8 months later i found out that he slept with a girl and she was pregnant it seemed like a nightmare (by the way the baby not is his) i broke down but news got worse as he was getting married and i swore never to love him again but before the wedding we became friends again and i found the love was still there.

she had the baby 2 weeks after they married but 2 months later he contacted me he asked to have an affair and to have more kids. that cut me like a knife i didn't want to be second but his number one! I said your happily married you dont need me and he goes i am not happy cause she wasnt you he yelled at me you wouldnt marry me, don't blame me!

ben is a guy who doesnt do emotions. he whispered i love you and i yelled since when and he replied since forever and hung the phone!

They were married for 8 months and separated (i didnt do the affair, i am not that type of person) he contacted me on facebook and told me everything so we began to talk and work things out taking things slow we talked about having more kids, being a family properly but he ex wife or wife as they arent divorced yet after but she found out and was spiteful she didn't want him happy but most of all didn't want him with me she made up a story and reported it to the police he is now in jail for a crime he didnt commit so once again we been torn apart but at least i know now that his heart belongs with me and it is now finally mine even though we are apart i know i wasn't number two after all, always number one. it's funny you always love the ones you hate.

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