Love Her and Lose me
Everyone's love story is different. Nothing is ever the same for anyone. This happend, but you don't know why. It's always funny to look back and see all thats happend, but you still can't let it go.
I was a freshmen in High School. I had one class with all guys, JROTC. It was a great class with only 10 kids including me. There were two of the nine that I talked to the most in the class. There names were Jayden and Chris.
Half the years gone by and I start to connect with Jayden. We always sat together at lunch and worked with each other in class. We always messed around with each other. We would fight with each other to get the other to fight back. Then we would bust out laughing.
A few weeks later he'd start calling me around 8 or 9 every night, and we would talk until 12 midnight, even on a school night. We would barely talk sometimes yet somehow it'd be two hours on the phone every single time.
Then there was this one time when we were talking on the phone and he tells me he likes me. I'm sitting there speechless. I wanted to tell him that i liked him too, but i was to shocked... We're both silent for a moment then he says my name and butterflies flies all around in my stomach, I end up telling him I like him too. We got deep into the conversation when he tells me he has a girlfriend...
I was confused, why would you tell me that you like me when you have a girlfriend. I don't like being the third wheel. I don't like being a homewrecker. ( as my friends would call it.)
Time keeps on going and we still acted the way we did before we told we liked each other. We ket flirting in class and messing around when ever we could. ...But he still hasnt broken up with his girlfriend yet..
Summer time comes and we're off to our own lives... The entire summer we didnt talk to eachother. I didnt talk to any of my friends. Only maybe five, but I was always busy. I had to work and never had time for anything. We didnt talk all summer, and the summers just about over when he texts me and says hi. We had an hour long conversation over IMs. He then asks me, "do you still like me?" .. I took about two minutes to think about it and said, "yes" We both said we were suprised that i still liked him cause we havent talked all summer. I asked him and he said he still liked me. (The only problem was he was still going out with his girlfriend.
School starts again and we hug and talk and we have the same class with each other again. The same old feelings were back. A few weeks into school and we keep talking about how much we really like each other.. He kept telling me that he was going to break up with his girl friend because they werent getting along.. a month has past and they still were going out. I asked him why and he said he didnt want to hurt her.. I said if you really dont like her then just do it, someones going to get hurt either way.. He kept saying I know I know...
Days or weeks later.. I find out hes single. I was happy, of course.. So then we started getting into flirting awhole lot more than usual.. A few more days go by and i havent seen him in school.. I'm starting to worry, cause i cant seem to get into contact with him.. The following monday he comes back into school with a problem and that he's been int he hospital. I gave him the biggest hug, happy that hes okay.. The days went on and everything seemed the same.. other than the fact that we seemed to slowly grow apart...
That weekend i went onto his facebook to see what hes been up to..And I find out that he's in a relationship again and his girlfriend.. posted a wallpost saying how happy she is to be together again! I didnt notice at first how much it hurt me until I felt the tears stream down my face.
The weekend ended and it was time to go back into school and see his face.. Half the days gone by and I havent seen him. But then it came to the time when we were passing by in the halls and he grabs my arm and tells me to walk with him during class. SO then I do.. We walked around in the hallways for about 5 minutes just talking.. At first he's really quiet, and i'm thinking to myself. he suddenly start talking and starts telling me how he was back with his ex.. I told him i already knew.. He gulped.. and told me the exact story that happened, he was on drugs at the hostpial when his mother came in with her.. His mother didnt know they broke up.. He was still going off on this loopy drug when she asked him back out and he said yes... I told him i believed him.. even though i didnt know if i should've...
Its almost ten minutes when we were walking back up the stairs to get back to class so it wouldnt look suspicious.. He tells me he realllllllyyyy likes me, and he wanted a kiss.. He kept asking for one as we walked up the stairs. When we were at the top i was infront of him and he asked one last time, "can you please kiss me? just once?" I kept on walking.. He pulls my arm and spins me around, like a fairy tale, and we end up kissing.. My heart starts to race. I liked it..
Every single day after that we kept on kissing. at least twice a day... I know weird to keep count, but.... It kept happening and I let it. Then I start telling my best friend about it and she tells me it needs to stop, he still has a girlfriend, it wasnt right..
I took a day to think about it and she was right... The next day he tries and kiss me, i do but then suddenly pull back, i guess my friends words got to me, i told him he needs to breakup with his girl first before i kiss him again.. or else we would have to stop and he can keep it going with is girl.
He kept trying to kiss me five more times that day, but every time, I wanted to, but I just couldn't do it.
It has been weeks now and we haven't kissed and he still hasn't broken up with his girlfriend. So I suppose he still likes her, but he seems to be sad every time I see him and I don't want to ask. I heard that he was single, but it hurt and he wants her back.
So I don't know how I feel anymore. I love him, but I have no idea what he is thinking. All I know is that I won't be getting over him anytime soon, but I hope he does decide whether he wants me or her. I'm sick of playing this game.
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