Love is confusing , but worth it

by Megan
(New York)

Everything started back in fifth grade. At my school there's this shadow day thing, where the 5th graders shadow the 6th graders to see what middle school is like. So I was with my shadow person, and we were at band. This guy named Kyle starts talking to me, and I instantly fell for him, although I didn't know that another 6th grade boy started liking me that day during social studies. His name was Will. But I liked Kyle, not Will. I eventually gave up on Kyle.

That summer, I moved on & I liked a kid named Josh who was a year older then me all summer. He was just starting to like me when I started talking to Will. I saw him at the park and we remembered each other. I started liking him. A few weeks later, he asked me out. Will was my first real boyfriend, my first love. That fall in 6th grade he was my first kiss. We dated for 3 months, then broke up. 2 months later , I started having feelings for Kyle again. I liked him for a long time, but he didn't feel the same way.

Finally in April he admitted he liked me. I was so happy. But then I started missing Will. I stopped talking to Kyle because Will liked me & I missed him. BIG MISTAKE. I ended up going back to Kyle a week later. That May, he asked me out. Me & Kyle dated for 2 months. He was away at camp and met another girl. We broke up. 2 months later, Will started talking to me again. I missed him. He said he had changed, I believed him. A week later he asked me out. This time I was so sure he was the one.

He started flirting with a girl named Hannah...a lot. I didn't know what to think. He was all over her. I dumped him a month after we had started dating. It was the beginning of October. A few weeks later Kyle started talking to me again. We talked for a while. Every now and then I would talk to Will then stop. For two months I didn't think Kyle liked me.

Me & Will started talking again in December. 2 days later, Kyle tells me how much he likes me. Too late...I started dating Will the following week. Me & Will , I was positive this was it this time. We were gonna last. HA! We broke up 3 weeks later, over winter vacation.

Immediately after the break up Kyle texted me. We talked for a week, then stopped. Later that week, a guy named Jake started texting me. Me & Jake had always been really good friend. So I decided to give it a shot. The following week he asked me out. Of course I said yes.

And right now I'm dating Jake. Will tried to get me to take him back & dump Jake, but I ignored him. Me & Jake have been dating for a month now. We're going pretty good. But I still have feelings for Will. When he said he thinks we should totally move on for good, it was hard. It broke my heart. I wish it hadn't. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I also miss Kyle a lot. I don't know why I feel the need to want them but I do. I don't wanna lose either of them for good, but at the same time I don't want to lose Jake. I love him. I'm too young for all this! I'm so confused.