Love of life is a committed older man

by Deborah
(Sparks, NV)

I have been in a 3.5 year friendship with benefits with an older man (69) who was on a dating site. He still works and leads an active, busy life. He also is a primary care giver for a woman he lives with that he would have married had she not taken ill. They have known each other 40 years.


They renewed their friendship after her husband died about 12 years ago. The first two years were great for them, then she started having multiple health problems. They have not had sex for 10 years. They operate a business together still. Every day is a struggle for her, even though she puts in about 1-2 hours of work every day. He has told me if it had been anyone else, he would not be with her under the circumstances.

He tells me that some day she will die, that they do not have sex, and that I am his oasis from insanity.

I believe he loves me a lot and hopes to have a future with me when the time comes, but he will not talk about it - no point, really, as he will fulfill his promise to take care of her.

I am 12 years younger than him (57), divorced, currently a paralegal student finishing up as I need to secure a living for myself.

I cannot stress how much this person means to me. He is the man I have always dreamed about - everything matches with him. Terrific personality and humor, good looks, common sense, spiritual, integrity and honesty to the hilt.

He holds back a lot of information about this relationship and others as he seems to know it makes me uncomfortable and sad for me when I compare his other previous committed relationships.

We get together a few times for coffee, once in awhile for sex, never really a date per se as his time limits together run about 1-2 hours. We have had 2 or 3 overnights that start at about 9 p.m. and end at 6 a.m., mostly involving sleep.

What does a woman do who knows there is no one, and I mean no one, who could ever replace the perfectness of this person? Do I just hang in there until I have to make some real decisions about my life once I finish school?

I am not a malicious person who wants to see this other woman die so I can have him - my feeling is it is in God's hands. I just get frustrated some times because this man is adorable and perfect for me in every way.

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