Lying Boyfriend

by Bridgett
(Ocoee)

I've been dating this guy for 6 months and really love him. We've been talking about marriage. Our relationship is strong, but the problem is one of his ex's. He speaks to most of his ex girlfriends like friends (for what I know) and at first, it bothered me about how close he is to a few of them.


I tried to find common ground with him because he is a grown man and I don't want to come across as if I don't trust him. So, I asked him to not talk to them on the phone all the time, a few times a week was fine but not all the time. And I asked him not to hang out with them behind my back or even at all because this looks like a date and that would bother me.

A few months ago, I was being sneaky looking through his phone and I know that is wrong, but I felt like he was hiding something, so I had to find out because if I just come out and ask he would be really defensive and lie anyway.

Turns out, he went out with one of his ex's when he told me he was hanging out with one of his guy friends. When I confronted him he told me that I am too insecure and jealous and that she is his friend and he was sorry for lying. We made an agreement that he wasn't going to do that again and he promised me he wasn't going to talk to her often any more because he loved me so much and wants to respect my feelings.

The other day, I went snooping again because something just didn't feel right and I found a text saying how glad he was to see her, meaning he went out with her again. I confronted him and he lied to me in my face and told me he hasn't seen in in a while. When I told him about the text, he got really angry and told me how I shouldn't be invading his privacy which is right, I shouldn't, but he is lying to me and continuing to do so. He left my house and went home.

This morning he called me apologizing, but I can't forgive him because I don't feel he is sorry and if he really loved me, he would respect how I feel. I feel I am really being nice about him associating with her to begin with.

I've never asked my boyfriend for anything other than not go out with her. He thinks apologizing will fix things, but it doesn't. He tells me that this is going to break us up and it will be my fault. I feel like he is manipulating me. What should I do? Am I wrong?


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Nov 12, 2013
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saddened NEW
by: Anonymous

man I'm not sure but I might be going through that too just last night my bf went to a bar then left to another one and admitted he
didn't want to tell me then I peeked at his phone and he called two different woman one to meet up with him and the other I have never heard of its not the first sneaky thing he has done either I have caught him flirting with woman on Facebook plus he talks about other woman to me and uses the your my best friend card hello I'm your gf not sure what I'm gonna do

Jan 15, 2011
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sad
by: confuse girl

my story is the same
met this guy he was with his ex he left her to be with me now within 6 month they have been texting and calling
we went to a place where their ex was he ignored me and his eyes was fixed on the ex.
i begged him to stop he even promised but it was all lies i went through his phone also and per day 5 calls to the ex plus texts and he is even talking to a gal he had an affair with but hide the number under a guys name

now i told him he lied he kept saying nobody can take your place

just dont know what to do anymore

:-( dont wanna leave him cause i love him to much
i live for him everything i do is for him
but its like im not enough

Sep 29, 2010
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No
by: Anonymous

No. Not wrong at all. He shouldn't lie to you and he shouldn't do anything that could risk hurting you. Lose him and find someone that will value your love.

May 16, 2010
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your right
by: omi16

you were wrong for going through his phone but i think the better choice for you would be to just break up with this guy because he is full of crap and you deserve somebody who loves you.

Feb 15, 2010
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Doing the Right Thing
by: Anonymous

I am also in the same boat; only difference is that my boyfriend cheated on me and I took him back, because I'm an idiot. You are a really strong person for not taking him back! I wish I were as strong as you, and I think you are doing the right thing by not taking him back.

Don't you love it when guys say things are your fault? I get that too. seems like everything is my fault. Like when I find stuff in his phone, of course it's my fault, right? It's not like I was the one lying.

Anyway, I think you're definitely doing the right thing. Be strong!

Jan 25, 2010
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In the exact same situation
by: Anonymous

I know exactly what you are going through and how you feel. There are times when I feel like breaking up with him will hopefully put some sense in his head and realize how good he has it.

The same goes for you. No one can tell you what to do, all they can do is suggest and give you a sense of direction. I'm sorry that you had to go through this and it is really hard to decide what you want to do because all you want to remember is all the good times you have and how much you love him. Hopefully you will make the decision that makes you happy.

Aug 19, 2009
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A Liar is always a Liar
by: Anonymous

All I can say is don't believe him. I went through the same thing. In the end, he is going to just throw you aside, and say that it was your fault.

It happened to me.. and this happened for 2 1/2 years. I was blinded...don't be blinded. For me, the sad thing is that his ex is engaged and now they are living together.

Jun 27, 2009
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Break-up.
by: Anonymous

I am currently in that situation. In fact my boyfriend is not at home right now, but the minute he gets home, I am breaking up with him. I loved having a relationship with him, it was great. I just hope I can gather the courage to get over it now, and meet someone who will not lie to me.

Jun 19, 2009
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I understand
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend did almost the exact same thing. I'd found out through a friend at work that my boyfriend was hanging out with another woman during the day. I asked him about it and he lied. We agreed that, while he didn't need my permission to hang out with women friends, I'd like a 'courtesy call' whenever he would go out with them first.

Though it hurt, I broke up with him after it happened for the 2nd time. He lied right to my face. Like you, I thought something was up and looked at his phone messages. I just couldn't trust him after that.

We were talking about moving in together, marriage, kids, everything. He tried to put the blame on me. He said that he felt he didn't have to 'explain his relationships' to me. It's his loss.

May 06, 2009
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an opinion
by: Anonymous

yeah he seems to be trying to put blame on you, but in this case, it was his fault in the first place that he did not respect what you agreed upon.

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