Lying, Cheating Boyfriend

by Starr
(Michigan)

I have this lying, cheating boyfriend, who my friends tell me to leave, but I just keep on believing him. What is wrong with me?


When we were first together, one of his friends said, "Why are you sticking up for Mike when he is telling everyone that you are fat, but have money." I have heard Mike say these same things about another girl who he dated.

He emailed his ex girlfriend on my birthday using my computer at my parent's home, while we were here visiting. He didn't get me a card or present for my birthday, nor did he recognize my birthday at all. Our first Christmas together, he kept telling me what he wanted for Christmas and also what his son would like.

He kept telling me, "I have to go out and get you a few more things." Many times he said this to me.

My son and his friend were visiting us for Christmas the year I speak of, we were invited to Mike's (my boyfriend's parents) for Christmas dinner.

On Christmas Eve, I got up in the middle of the night and stuffed stockings. As I was stuffing the stockings, I couldn't help but look under the tree as I was excited for Christmas and presents. There were no presents under the tree for me. I woke up again at about 6 am and again, nothing.

My boyfriend's son, woke him up. "Dad wake up, it's Christmas, let's open presents." They proceeded into the living Room, and started opening their gifts. Mike kept coming into the bedroom, "Hey, aren't you going to come out and open presents?" I just said, "No, I'm not feeling well," as I laid in bed and cried quietly.

He kept coming into the room showing me every time he opened something up from me, and said how cool it was.

After they were all done, he said, "There is something special out here for you. Come open your presents." So I went out to the living room and he handed me a card and sat next to me. I opened the card and it was for a massage, he pointed to the one for couples and said, "I thought we could both go for the couple one."
(The gift was for him, not me.) I thanked him as though my feelings were not hurt.

I started to clean up the mess of wrappers all over and he then said to me, "Andrew and I have to get ready to go to my parents." I said, "What time are we leaving?" He said, "Oh, you guys can't come, there isn't enough food."

So my son, his friend, and I had no Christmas Dinner preparation.
My son and his friend went to see if there were any stores open to buy some food, but not much was open. Need I say more, about this.

The relationship proceeded to get worse. I found out he was using drugs, cocaine and smoking a lot of weed.
I tried to get away from him, but he was hitting me and I was afraid.
Most recently, he emailed his dad and said "The job market all over the country seems to be improving. When we can secure good positions we will be moving on."

What does this mean?

He has told his friends that he was leaving me a number of times. He tells his friends lies about me that aren't true.

Every time he is planning on leaving me something happens to him financially to keep him from going.

He never lets me know that he is planning on leaving. He only tells his friends and family. He even told our landlord that he would be moving out when we returned, but didn't tell me. The landlord called me and told me this, and Mike said he never said that.

He lies so much, then his family says that I'm insecure and that I have problems with emotions. What the heck?

This is so messed up. I love him and feel lost without him, even when logically I know that I would be better off without him and all his lies.

What does it mean when he says, "Anyway, the job market all over the country seems to be improving. When we can secure good positions, we will be moving on" to his dad?

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Dec 12, 2009
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Be Strong
by: Anonymous

This is one of those relationships that I would would say isn't worth sticking up for. You should know when enough is enough. This is what I always keep in mind.. "If a relationship is not healthy for me both emotionally and physically then I'm out!

It's not worth it to stick up for someone who doesn't even have their own self respect. I say throw him out of your house and your life! You need someone else who is better.

Do not say that it's too late, I'm too old blah, blah, blah! Remember it's not only you that is getting affected but also the people who really love and care for you, like your son.

Sorry if I became too emotional. I really hate guys act like that.

Sep 22, 2009
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update
by: Anonymous

In my opinion, it doesn't matter that your son is an adult. Your destructive decisions and/or lack of self confidence and actions against this man are still damaging to your son.

I'm sorry about how strongly this is coming off, but I honestly feel that you need to talk to someone who can help you out. You are knowingly in a one-sided relationship with a leech!

Sep 21, 2009
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Clarification
by: Anonymous

My son who was visiting was in the Navy. He is grown.
Just thought I should let everyone know. All my children are now grown.

Sep 21, 2009
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Don't Allow It
by: Penny

I only read the first two lines and that told me all I need to know. The only thing anyone can do to anyone else in a personal relationship is what that person allows.

Sep 21, 2009
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You've got one life only
by: Anonymous

You lack the self confidence that you need in order to live the life that you dream of. You know that he is just using you, doesn't care about you, is emotionally damaging to you and your son, yet you lack the confidence and strength to move on.

You will encounter this over and over in your life until you learn. You need to find the strength to teach your son self-worth or else he will follow a similar pattern in his life choices. My recommendation would be for you to seek out help from a professional.

Sep 21, 2009
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It's going to be okay without him
by: Anonymous

Girl, I have been in your position before and he is just using you and keeping you around until you are used up, he doesn't care about you or your feelings: he could give a shit.

He is a selfish bastard. You need to be strong and leave him. Trust me, I know. It's hard, but in the end, it's worth it. In fact my ex who I was with for eight years was the same way and now is just worse and I hope you get out before he really hurts you or your son.

The thing is, I would make up excuses for him. I thought as long as he came home to me, everything was okay, but in the long run, it wasn't.

You have to do this for your son. It will be hard, but you deserve better. Don't lower yourself to his level because he is going to keep on doing it and then it will be harder for you to leave.

Trust me, you can do it by yourself. Your son and your life are more important.

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