Mean Wife - What to Do When Your Wife is Chronically AbrasiveMany men complain about having a mean wife, but this is not how their wife behaved when they first married, so they are at a loss for what to do. They simply don't understand why no matter what they say or do, their wife seems curt, hypersensitive and abrasive.Although you may have hurt your wife's feelings without knowing it, this isn't a reason for her to be chronically abrasive. When someone makes rude or demeaning comments regularly, it is wise to turn to her and simply say in as neutral a tone as you can manage, “Why do you say such things? What are you hurt about?” Asking this simple question in a neutral tone can stun a mean wife into realizing how she's behaving. Believe or not, she may not realize what she's doing. She may be so driven by her hurt feelings that she can't see how she's destroying your marriage. When guys complain about “my mean wife,” they may not realize that their wife is exhausted from all the various tasks that she must do throughout the day. Whether your wife works outside of the home or not, women tend to bear the bulk of the responsibility in terms of shopping, child care, making meals and doing chores around the house. Your wife may be in a state of overwhelm and her meanness is a last ditch cry for help. Men have a sense of completion with regard to their tasks at work, but women do not at home. As a little girl, I remember my mom saying, “A man may work from sun to sun, but a women's work is never done.” This is how most women feel. 
What you really need to do to stop the mean wife syndrome is help out more around the house. When men help their wives, women feel more loved. Make it a point to help out with the household chores: vacuum, take out the kitchen trash, clean up after dinner or make the family meal several times per week. Give your wife the night off every once in a while and help your children with their school work while your wife indulges in a long, relaxing bath or engages in some other enjoyable activity. If you do all this and the mean wife behavior continues, your wife has deeper hurts and resentments that need healing. Although at this point, most folks would be inclined to suggest therapy, you may not want to air out your dirty laundry in front of a stranger or it just may not just be affordable for you. If that's the case, I suggest you read The Us Factor review which is a review of a new relationship program that teaches couples the skills to get past the hurts, resentments and bitterness that happen in every marriage and get back to the love that brought you together in the first place. You have a mean wife because for some reason, she feels isolated by things that have happened in your marriage or things you've said or done or didn't do. Although it may be hard to believe this, your wife is mean because she still loves you. If she didn't care, she wouldn't spend the energy to build a wall around her heart to keep you out—instead, she just wouldn't care. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. A happy marriage requires work. Couples who enjoy a deepening sense of companionship and love throughout their marriage have taken the time to learn the skills to communicate their hurts and disappointments, so they create a bridge, rather than a wall between them. The mean wife syndrome is a symptom of a woman whose heart needs healing. Although “my mean wife” may be a joke among men and a stereotype in cartoons and the movies, since you realize now that your wife's abrasiveness is a cry for help, you need to be the bigger person here and start the process that will bring joy and connection back to your marriage. A strong marriage is healthy—it creates joy, builds companionship and makes you healthy, body, mind and soul. You and your spouse deserve to enjoy a lifetime love. Do the work to make this happen.
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