my fault

by Keller
(United States)

I met this guy at my friends house and he liked me instantly. i never had feelings for him though. We kinda hooked up that night and I guess he never stopped liking me, but we stopped talking. Four months later, we started talking again. I still didn't like him and he still liked me. I slowly began falling for him. I'd heard a lot of stories about him—I new he was a player and a real good cheater, but I was falling too fast to listen to them. We weren't exactly going out, but everyone knew we were together.

After awhile, some of us were talking and hanging out and stuff and I come to find out he has a girlfriend in another town. I asked him about her and he told me that he never met her ... she is one of his sister's friends that liked him and all this.

I began to talk to her and asking her questions. I found out that he had lied to me about her and I told her about me and him. I couldn't forgive him. I was so depressed for weeks. I cried myself to sleep over him. We still talked and he knew there was no way I trusted him and how mad I was at him.

A few weeks later, he broke up with her. He let me hear it and everything. I told him I still didn't trust him, and I didnt know how I ever could or how he could make up to me for it. I wanted him out of my life, but I couldn't let go.

Eventually, we started going out. We were officially a couple. I had forgiven everything he'd done. One week and 3 days after we started going out, he called me and broke up with me. I took it really hard. I didn't know how to take it. I was crushed.

It's been almost 3 months and I still can't get over all the promises that he broke and everything. He told me that we were still gonna be friends and that things weren't going to be awkward or anything between us. He lied.
He and my best friend are like brother and sister.

Now every time I see him, we don't talk. He's moved on, and he knows it hurts me. I haven't had a relationship since him but I have had flings with people. but I'm not going to get over him any time soon.

I don't have feelings for him much anymore though. It's the things about our relationship I miss. The way everyone knew we were together before we were actually together, the sound of his laughter when he would listen to my pointless stories, the way he told me everything was gonna be okay when I was mad, or the way he made me laugh, the memories.

Of course I'm angry with myself though. Since the day he broke up with me, I have felt like it was my fault, like I should have realized that when all the things happened with the girl he lied to me about I shouldn't have forgiven him. I shouldnt have taken him back the way I did. I feel so stupid.