My Melody of Lifeby Rach
I haven't let anyone see me cry over the loss of him. Who can I tell and why should I show that kind of weakness when it doesn't seem to matter to him? There wasn't a day that went by that we were not together, doing something. We spent as much time together as we possibly could. See the thing is our friendship was very difficult. We had to hide how close we really were from our spouses. What a male and a female being friends, that's just not normal was the reaction we got from everyone. But we fought for that friendship and held on tight. While most people were sneaking off to have sex we were having to hide to have lunch together. Now as you have probably already guessed our home lives with our spouses were not the best. But we kept our distance and tried not to let temptation overcome us. One thing we didn't count on was falling in love, and the more we fell in love the more he started drifting away. We never crossed the line and had sex, but we did spend some intimate time together. I know I got in way deeper than he did and I still am. I love this man with every part of me. Now after 4 years of knowing each other and having a very very close relationship, he has all but deserted me. He still calls me every day, but those late night visits where we would sit and talk for hours on end and hold each other when things were bad have come to an end. He would come by to see me and unload his dreams and fears and secrets. And I would be here for him no matter what time of the night he called. He was and still is my protection from my own insanity, but it seems as though I am going to totally lose him this time. He and my hubby work together from time to time, and over time I think my hubby has come to be jealous of everything about him, not just me and him, but everything. He is jealous of his ability to meet people and make friends on the spot, where my hubby is always in the background. This guy is a very outgoing person. Everyone he meets loves him. Also my husband can't handle the fact that we are better friends than the two of them are. So that leads us to the problem at hand. I finally found happiness in my life because just being with him makes me happy no matter what we are doing and now he is avoiding any kind of face to face contact with me because he says he can't take the snide comments. I wish I could get into this a little deeper to help you understand what I am going through but it would turn into a book and I don't want to bore you. I just feel like my heart has been crushed into a billion pieces every time I see him and he just acts as though I'm not there. I know I'm wrong, because I know deep down that he does love me, because he called just the other day and told me that no matter what we would always be friends and that he loves me very much. BUT how can you love someone and treat them as though you don't know them when you see them in person? Then the next minute as soon as he leaves he will call me and ask what my problem is and want to know why I'm upset. I have always told him that it is not about sex that has me hooked on him that I don't care if that never happened. What I love is just being close to him. I feel as though he never cared at all about us or me. That it was all just lustful to him. It is very hard for me to even say that, I don't want to even think it, but that is what is in my head. He has hurt me to the core and I don't handle heartache very well. I could very well cut him into pieces with hurtful words right now. But I know if I do, I will lose him for good. A part of me doesn't care if I do but the other part is telling me to just let him have some space for a while and things will be ok again. I'm just scared that it will never be the same. I miss him so much the pain is at a point to where it is unbearable. I have never in my life felt these kind of feelings about another person. The first time he touched me intimately I felt like I couldn't breathe and tears sprang into my eyes. Those feelings were foreign to me and I don't know what I will do if I never feel that way again. I miss him so much even though he is still around he is just out of reach and that to me is worse than never seeing him again. I can't say that nobody knows how I feel, but like Pink says.. Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart. I relate a lot of my feelings with music so here is song that I think fits my story well I have listened to it and cried a million times since I have met him: Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart To weave by picking up the pieces that remain Melodies of life--love's lost refrain Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told? Let them ring out loud till they unfold In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name A voice from the past, joining yours and mine Adding up the layers of harmony And so it goes, on and on Melodies of life, To the sky beyond the flying birds--forever and beyond So far and away, see the bird as it flies by Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me? Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind? If I should leave this lonely world behind Your voice will still remember our melody Now I know we'll carry on Melodies of life Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts As long as we remember I just want my friend/lover/protector back :( Get back the love of your life even if you are the only one trying. Click here to read or post comments. |
