never had a boyfriend
I'm 18 and i've never had a boyfriend. a guy i thought i liked got off with me at a party, after we had been textng quite a lot and it was obvious he liked me too. so oh good that is what you wanted why are you posting here. but i rejected him because:( here comes te long list uh oh)
1. he was drunk (my dad has a drinking problem so i find it very hard to trust people when they are drunk)
2. it was sort of a bit too public for my liking (i'm very shy and quite a few people had spent the evening taking the piss out of him and i know a lot of people don't like him i'm a social coward to the max)
3. he is a good friend, one of the few people i trust
4. he is 2 years older than me and i know a little too much about his sex life(not out of choice hes not very good at picking up on the i don't want to know hints) and compared to my zero experience i'm scared
5. i also have some past experiences which make me uncomfortable about being intimate with anyone ( i won't go into it but its shadow must be mentioned)
6. but above all i'm a coward, too scared to take the risk of getting into a relationship
before this no one has really shown any interest. probably because i'm too mch of a tom boy or because i was and don't really know how to be a girl because i never had any girl friends growing up so don't know how to put make up on or how to do my hair or knowing what to wear.
i'm too scared to ask for help from my girl friends now because i'm not really that close with them and don't want to seem like a little clueless girl if that makes sense? and also i much prefer spending time running around with rifles in cadets to shopping anyway.
sorry this is pretty long but i thought a bit of background might give a better picture.
so what do i do? i have no idea how i feel about the situation?
i had to spend the whole of the next day with him because he is my shooting coach including an hour car ride with just him. He said he couldn't remember anything but i think that was just to save from discussing it.
it was about a month ago now i've seen him a few times but just acted as if it never happened
what do i do?
(sorry for the whole life story thing :)