Nice Guys Syndrome - Do They Finish Last with Women?

About a year or so ago, I posted a video to YouTube called Dating A Nice Guy Who You Don't Really Like in response to a woman who wrote me for advice because she was dating a guy who was really kind to her, but she did not feel she had a future with him because in her words "something was missing" from the relationship. My response? I told her that "niceness does not equal love" and is not enough to sustain a relationship.

It wasn't my intention to knock nice guys because this is common situation that happens with both men and women. They're in a relationship and their partner treats them right, but something is missing and there's no other way to explain it. As you can imagine, even though my intention was to give advice to this particular woman, my statement led to a flurry of angry and hurt responses by nice guys around the world. One man wrote me and said, "I'm a nice guy, so what would you have me do ... shoot myself?"

Of course, that's not what I meant at all. To explain myself I made another video called In Defense of Nice Guys which I posted to YouTube and which you can view and comment on below. Make sure to read the article on this page in addition to watching the video because each presents slightly different information on the subject.

Here's the Nice Guys video:

The point of my video is that although I stand behind my earlier statement that niceness is not enough to sustain a relationship, being nice is an important element. After all, we women love men who cherish us and treat us with respect. Of course, I'm speaking about women who are psychologically healthy here because there are plenty of women out there whose sense of self is so perverted that they actually like to be with men who treat them poorly.

It is these women that nice guys often focus on trying to be their knight in shining armor, but it backfires because these women don't feel good enough about themselves to appreciate the love, strength and integrity of a genuinely nice guy.

Of course there are many other things that make up a relationship that can stand the test of time. Physical attraction for instance, is a very important element because it provides the chemistry that creates the initial spark of interest. This cannot be manufactured and it cannot be created because someone is nice to you.

Beyond this, you need to share similar values with your significant other. If you're not on the same page about money, family, children, fidelity, etc. then your relationship is headed for trouble. Core values bond us together and keep both individuals in a relationship headed in the same general direction.

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So all these elements combine to make for a fulfilling relationship. This is why I say that niceness is not enough. There is so much more required to sustain a love relationship. Being nice is not enough to make someone fall in love with you and this is where nice guys sometimes go wrong because often they're nice to women who either aren't attracted to them or who don't have healthy self esteem. In other words, there are other tangible and intangible elements to falling in love and staying in love with another person. And this was all I was trying to say in my Laura Love (Laura Luvv) video.

So there you have it. Healthy, loving women value nice guys and our answer to the question, Do nice guys finish last with us is a resounding NO. They finish first because they are the kind of partners who have enough integrity, strength and compassion to sustain a long term relationship.

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