No Help from Deadbeat Dad

by Furious
(United Staes)

I decided to walk away from a dysfunctional relationship 2 months ago. I have caught my toddler's father cheating on me multiple times and have been encountered by women on different occasions.

What I don't understand is while I was there dealing with all the drama and allowing my confidence and self esteem to be destroyed, my toddler's father made sure he did his part in providing for our toddler, but as soon as I say enough is enough and walk away from it all, after catching him in the act with yet another woman, he stops providing for our toddler, in fact he denies that he even exists.

The first month after I left he continued to help with our toddler's needs and continued to pay half on childcare. But once 2nd month rolled around NOTHING! He doesnt even answer my calls nor reply to text messages.

I since stopped calling and texting because I do have a court order for child support. I figure I can get it now or later, for child support keeps good records. But this really bothers me, for I was doing fine with being on my own and moving on with my life until he just starting completely ignoring his responsibilities as a father.

Why doesnt he seem to understand that if he's not paying his part of childcare that I am paying it because I still have to go to work. Why doesnt he seem to understand that if he's not buying pampers and wipes when it's his turn to that I have to buy them because the baby still needs them.

Why doesnt he understand that just like him I would love to have some free time to socialize and do things without our toddler and without having to find a babysitter and that it would be nice to drop our toddler off to be with him every other weekend.

I've been furious for a whole month and I hate feeling this way. Im behind in my bills now and Im not able to do the things that I used to do like get my nails done or go to the beauty salon. I havent paid my WE bill for having to pay childcare on my own. I cant afford to take care of our toddler on my own. Child support has done their part. Now I'm just trying to rebudget. But this hurts worst then being cheated on.

I want to move on with my life and develop a good co-parenting relationship with my toddler's father. What do you think about me packing my toddler up and dropping him off unannounced one Friday afternoon and picking him up on Sunday around 7 pm?

Do you think this will encourage him to start back taking care of our toddler. This is his only child and he's older than myself. he's 40. Why is he acting this way?

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Jan 14, 2011
by: Anonymous

Do you really want to leave your child with someone they are not familiar with?! Imagine how scared and/or uncomfortable they would be.

My suggestion to you, (speaking from first hand experience here) go on with your life with your child. Don't badmouth the father, this solves nothing. When the child is old enough, I suggest around 12 or 13, have a heart to heart sit down and explain what happened (the cheating, etc). There will be good days and there will be bad days of them being without dad. They don't understand why "someone didn't want them". I just kept reminding him that we will be ok, just him and I. He has great grandparents, aunts/uncles/friends that will always be there for him.

The dad at some point in time will regret his decisions and it will be his own fault.

My son is now 16 and I followed all of the above, his father just tried contacting him and my son's response..."You didn't bother then, don't bother now. I am doing just fine without you and I am good."

My son asked me what I thought about that and I told him I understood where he was coming from and support his decision, whatever it is.

Hang in there.. just be a good responsible mom to your child, the best mom you could be.

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