Pain of Broken Barriers
by Camilla'Chibi
Kept my cool and kept my distance. Been nice and polite. Friendly and smiling. But never have i let anyone close. Unlike you. I've been building barriers. Walls of Apathy. But you walked right through them, as if they weren't there. For once I trusted. Told you all there is to me. Who it is behind the act I play everyday. We talked all night long. Laughed our hearts out. Cried and smiled. Encouraged and scolded. Out of nowhere - You became precious. Trust. Tolerance. Thinking again about people i dislike. That is what I learned from you. I never liked humanity, I never trusted anyone with everything in fear of rejection. Fearing that the person behind the mask I wear isn't good enough. You told me I was pretty. Even if it wasn't true, you made smile and created hope for a while. Hours, Days, Months went past. How long has it been now? A whole year? Maybe two? I don't know and I wont ask. I can't remember when I first felt jealousy. Anger that the one you loved wasn't me. I just know I've felt it in the time we've known each other. Well. I should forget. I should suppress it. For the feelings I have are only mine. They go only my way. I´m sorry that I must push my feelings on to you. But fact is...I think I love you. I'm not sure. Haven't done this before. Never felt the stinging pain. Never had another occupy my mind. Always alone, never really caring. But now it hurts so bad that my anger flares. I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. Love is pain and I'm no masochist. But what has happened can't be changed. I just hope someday this love will fade. The jealousy I feel keeps me away. I've taken a step back. No need to vent my anger on you, for how can I blame you? But grant me the distance as I'm hoping this will strangle the love i hold for you. Click here to read or post comments. |