Tips for Regaining Trust in a Relationship After An Affair

Regaining trust in a relationship is essential. If you don't talk about what happened, then you can't get over it. Ignoring a problem just gives it more power over you. Over time, closely held hurts and resentments build up, poison your marriage and can even affect your health. In this article, you will learn how to start trusting your partner again.

Most couples who are looking for articles on rebuilding trust in a relationship do so because one or both partners had an affair. If your partner found intimacy outside your marriage, you are hurt and angry and rightfully so. Over time, this anger will cool a bit and this is when it's important to consider two things: most people don't set out to ruin their marriage and cause their partner incalculable pain with an affair. Unless your spouse is a "serial cheater," most affairs are a result of small lies and breaches of integrity that quickly spiral out of control.

The second thing to consider is that what people who have affairs are usually looking to get needs met that are not met within their marriage. (Again, this doesn't apply to habitual cheaters.) So it's worth asking the offender what he or she got from the other party that they couldn't get from you at home. If you are receptive to the answer, it could be an opportunity to learn what you can do to prevent this from ever happening again.

Of course regaining trust in a relationship is about much more than just talking about your feelings about the affair. It also requires building fences around your marriage. Think of a happy home surrounded by a white picket fence. Your home is your marriage. The white picket fence are the rules and boundaries that you and your spouse create that determine the behaviors that protect the marriages and those that don't. For instance, one of the "don't behaviors" might be having drinks with someone of the opposite sex without your spouse."

regaining trust in a relationship

Rebuilding trust in a relationship means taking the time to define the behaviors that will guard the sanctity of your marriage and then committing to them. This means making a list, writing it down and even signing your name, so it become a written contract, something that you both agree to live up to.

It is the integrity with which each partner follows these agreed upon rules that will determine whether they can survive an affair and rebuild the love and trust in their marriage. The important thing to know is that there is hope. It takes time and it takes work, but is possible for your marriage to be stronger and happier than it was, even before the affair.

Learn how to save your marriage step by step.

If you'd like to share your story about your spouse's affair or your own or struggles with trusting your husband or wife, add comments by using the form below.

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Emotional Mistrust 
About 5 months ago, my husband discovered me texting my friend's husband. It had been going on for about 3 months. There was nothing sexual said or done. …

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Regaining Trust in a Relationship - Emotional Affair

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