Relationship problems...i really need your advice.

by Jaylynn

Hello my name is Jaylynn and my boyfriend Cory and i have been together a year or so and we met through a friend. When we met we fell in love and it was so strong. We did everything together and there seemed like nothing could go wrong. We share a lot of things in common and i love that we can both do things together that we love. We have got in depth about marriage and moving in with each other...and children. But along the way i feel that our relationship is changing.

He recently got a new job and he works a lot and i really miss him a lot when were not together. But here lately, when i try to talk to him about something that is bothering me, he gets mad and walks away and doesnt want to hear it. When i go to use his phone or to take a picture with it; he gets so mad that i have it and takes it from me. This made me think that he was hiding something from me and i dont like to feel like i am being lied to.

I really try to do everything that i can to make him happy. I love him a lot. When he wants to do something with his friends or something he says that he isnt going to change his plans. But then whenever i want to do something; it is no or he says that he is so tired from work. But i feel that a relationship should be 50/50.

Whenever I do something for him i would like him to respect the fact that i am doing it for him and make sure i realize that i appreciate it. But all he says is thank you but its with a sarcastic tone. I really dont know what to do. I want to believe that he still loves me. I want this to last and i do want to marry him some day but i need your help, i need to know what to do or how to change or what to say to him to make this better. Plaease help me.

Thank you ~ Jaylynn

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Jun 14, 2011
by: Anonymous

i need help me and my gf are gona break up i dont listen i allways get things wrong i dont have a job i try to get one but none out there she dosent care anymore cause shes tired of yelling at me i dont blame her i woud be to bit i dont want to lose her but its to late need help fast please please someone help me

Jun 02, 2011
by: Brenda

Dear Jaylynn,

What is it that you both like to do? Is it possible to do those things together? That will build a stronger bond and allow time to talk while you both are having a fun time together. Communication is key in any relationship and one-on-one, face-to-face is best. It's so important to do fun activities together or else it can take an unusual turn. That would be my advice.

You writing this letter was a big step and has made a big difference already. Have learned a lot. I thought on the way to work today how I can make changes in myself towards the person I love. Things I had not thought about until I read your letter. So I thank you for writing it. I can tell that I have been sarcastic and have used harsh words and have had a temperamental attitude that was very hurtful. I was being selfish at the least and most likely alienated him in the end. Your words gave me much to think about.

When I was married before I never ever spoke up and I think I wanted to make sure I didn't do that again however I can see there needs to be a balance. I am a kind, gentle, & soft-spoken person by nature, that is my personality.

Due to circumstances of not seeing him in person or talking to him, or even emailing directly; I allowed my emotions to build up so that when something else or anything bothered me, whether it was work-related or anything else, all of that combined I typed aggressively towards him.

Again, your letter helped me understand how destructive my typing was because the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I love him and I feel God has led me to him.

And I guess I have the same question that you posed in your letter. What do I need to do to change or what to say or how to make it work better?

Jun 01, 2011
hang on
by: Maleena

Dear Jaylynn,

I'm so glad for this website aren't you? To be able to share and learn about relationships and so glad you posted, because I too can learn from your question. I've been married to my husband Henry for 30 years now and what I've learned is that when two people love each other, these little things have a way of working out as long as you talk things through.

You are right, your relationship probably is changing, I know me and Henry's did all through these 30 years sometimes it was sort of scary when it did but it was always a good thing in the end because God had it in His hands, as long as we let Him.

Anyway, back to you and Cory, if he has a new job and is working a lot he is probably tired and distracted maybe needs to unwind when he gets home and that takes a bit of time. I would say it's not respectful when he takes the phone from you, and I can understand why you would feel he might be hiding something or being lied to however it could be as simple as a control issue or even just a reaction in general, or not either of those things. You'll need to ask him to find out for sure. Sometimes what we think about a situation or what we think the other person is thinking is very different than what is actually going on so it is always good to talk it through; that's what I've learned in 30 years with Henry.

I can hear in your words how much you love him. And you're right, it should be 50/50. You deserve his respect regularly without sarcasm. He may not even have realized he was doing that. Either way, you deserve it nonetheless. I can assure you he still loves you as much - actually more - each day. How do I know? Because that's how true love works.

The key is communication, talking it through, can't say that often enough. Without communication, there would be no way for either person to know what is on the other person's mind and heart.

It sounds like Cory might be more assertive/aggressive when he communicates and you are more calm when you communicate. Through time you will be an example for him to learn from. You will teach him so much in the next 30 years. He will teach you things too. What an experience in love you both have ahead of you.

I am so in love with Henry that all I have to do is see him and I catch my breath. He is very handsome and tall. His ethics and standards are high. Strong Christian. I am so fortunate to have him in my life. I am one lucky girl. I am blessed. I respect and appreciate him. The first time I saw him I thought I knew him from before. I read in an article online that that meant there was chemistry - see there's something to that. Then when I stood next to him at a meeting I could hardly breathe. And that was before I realized I liked him. He is pretty much somethin. I love him deeply. You hang onto Cory. God's got it.

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