Relationship Question

by Amanda

My boyfriend and I always fight. We argue about every little thing and I'm starting to think that if things keep going like this, that it will end our relationship. I'm really scared about this because he is truly the best thing that has happened to me. I don't know what to do and I don't want to lose him. What should I do?

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Feb 03, 2008
Love Rules
by: Anonymous

I think (as a woman of 40+ who has a few relationships under her belt), that you two need to sit down and create some rules - ask each other what you want of the relationship, what you both think constitutes a good relationship and then try and meet each other half way with what you don't agree on. My partner and I argue, but because we are a little older, we know that it isn't always helpful to just keep banging on about the issue and trying to get the other to agree on our own opinions. The best way in that situation is to say something like - yes I know you feel that way, and I can see why but I feel that it isn't something I can agree on because ... (you say why). try to keep calm and don't use the You word - you said this, you don't ever clean up, you you you! If you use that word it shuts the other person down, they feel accused. It's better to use something called the DESC technique, ie, Describe the problem (ie, Ive noticed that our bedroom always seems messy) Empathise - (ie, I know you are busy and probably don't see it as a priority to clean) S= Suggestion - Could we perhaps set aside a night this week to tidy up? C= Commitment - I will make time on Friday, can you do the same? You will find your partner a lot more agreeable if you can be rational about things. I know its hard not to blow your top, but if you remember DESC, try it, and good luck - I think you will find less heated arguments will come your way.

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