So freaking confused

I'm going to try to make this several year long story as short as possible. So, throughout the marriage my husband has hid several "girls who are friends" from work... Even through I've always been the noisy type of wife and like to know and picture what his day is like. I have always been 100% upfront, honest, forthcoming, etc, of any and every conversion I've had with a male that was not work related, even though we used to work together for years so he knew all of the men anyway and they are and were always mutual friends. However when he left the company I would ask him about males and females that he worked with but 6 years later there has been an unfortunate pattern of deception... He hides certain girls from me who are much younger than us, yet he initially always tells me they are fat and old and ugly, which some simple internet research always proves to extremely inaccurate. If I knew these people, women even existed on this planet and he introduced them to me, I truly would not feel threatened however it's one secret after another and I only ever find out by snooping, which I have 2 small babies to take care of and a house, etc... I don't need or have time to be a freaking private investigator, but it's the only way I've ever uncovered reality. After all that "short story" I've decided he has had some type of emotional affairs... my question is how do I know I'm getting A. the full story and B. that I've actually been fortunate to luckily uncover all of them? Please help me pull my head out of my ass. My brain is do clouded because of the commitment of marriage and obviously most importantly the amazing beautiful children.

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Jul 13, 2011
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women's intuition
by: Anonymous

As a women always listen to your gut. You need to put it on the table as you seem to be very honest. Either your husband wants to make a change and save your marriage or he need come clean. Before you talk to him I advice you to get your ducks in a row financially etc. and consult with a lawyer (free consultation). When someone is sneaky and likes to hid things they are hard habits to break. So you need to ask yourself what your boundaries are? Honesty is the basis of any good relationship... the foundation of all the rest. Good luck to you.. :) Do the right thing and put your kids first.

Jul 10, 2011
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Update
by: Anonymous

Update on my situation.......I have since discovered more......another long story "short".... My intuition kept telling me there was more more more that I wasn't being told, I was persistent and possibly even manipulating in my quest to get to the bottom of these genuinely uncomfortable feelings of deception that were very unavoidable. So through all of my womanly tactics, I discovered he has been viewing naked pictures of women on the internet.

To most, it might be like whoopty doo, but to me, I was upfront and vividly honest with him before our very first kiss.....any form of pornography is a total deal breaker for me. I honestly believe it wasn't until recent months that he began exploring and early on was truly more of an excitement but I also truly believe this became a way for him to escape our reality, which was post-partum depression. And rather than him being a friend and someone I could count on, he became withdrawn and had non-physical outlets to get through it because he didn't know how to deal.

While I was in solitary confinement mentally and emotionally, he was straying, the best way he knew how and convinced himself that somehow after all these years I "chose"to become an unwilling miserable contestant in my own mind and conscientiously chose this excuse of diagnosed derision

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