Still an innocent

by Chelsee
(Oklahoma)

It started off as a small truth or dare game over texting every night. The truths got more honest and the dares more daring. Until he had me doing stuff in a month than I thought I would do, ever. He was a bad influence on me, I've never been in trouble too much. It's not that I was scared to do stuff, I would get in trouble. I never got caught. I was smart about it. I never did anything too serious. He was the opposite. A dangerous guy sometimes, but I've grown up around them. It was normal.

Our story starts after the truth or dare ended and became just pure dares. Many dares were lewd and I typically chickened out. He would beg and give meaningless reasons why I should do it. Then one day, things changed. He began telling me he loved me and that we were best friends. Then he lowered the bar to no actions, just pictures. And I thought that was okay. So I sent them. One by one, at request I would go into the bathroom, shed my clothes and pull out my phone. I regret it. Though he always deleted them, and vowed never to tell a soul, I am still paying for the mistake.

We ride the bus together, so we'd sit and talk. And sometimes just sit and think. He always had sweet answers to things. After a while even our bus rides weren't innocent; we played the Extreme Nervous Game. Which features him touching me, anywhere, until I am nervous, which is rare. He didn't make me nervous, I trusted him. That was a mistake. He always used the trust card against me. "You trust me right?" or "You can trust me." or the ever so famous "I won't hurt you", these however were all lies. Every. Word.

Things faded back into him wanting pure physical. And I said no. When I said no, he cut me out for a while. He was using his presence and a reward system. I was never scared of him, until began noticing something. When I said no, his voice changed. It became angry. I ended things with us then. We weren't "best friends" anymore. I hand understood that no matter how much I loved him (and still do) he was using me. I was his little toy. And when I didn't obey, things went bad.

No matter how smart I thought I was, I was wrong. Within five months I became a puppet girl to a sick master. To this day I can't let it go, because I still love him. I always will. I can see the good sides of him, but the bad over shadows the good. He still texts me, or talks to me in the wall. But it's all the same. The same question. Same intention. The only thing that I can still say keeps me content is I'm still an innocent...