Stumped and Stupid

by mellisa
(canada, ontario)

Well this is a long one but here it goes, any advise would be appreciated. I have been separated for my husband for about 3 and a half years due to his drug use, which eventually led to jail time. I was angry and kept little contact, even left and moved to another province to get away from all the stress. He would leave me with the kids for days while he was on binges, take all the money, be emotionally abusive and threaten me with violence. So I left, which imho was the best thing to do at the time. We have two children together.


I moved, went to school and started over. I made great friends and had a "life". Had is the major word in that sentence.

I was contacted by him earlier this year because of the fact that he was facing deportation. He had completed treatment programs as well was in a current one and begged me for his help. I cam to his province and saw a whole new him. He was loving, caring, friendly, understanding, showered us with gifts... everything you would get from a person that had made major changes in their life.

I grew up in foster care and have no immediate family that I can have contact with and my husbands family is in his province. So I thought that since he was so different, and his family is here that it would be best for the kids to see their family and father. Father with stipulations of course..that he would remain in treatment, etc.

Things were great for the last 3 months. Until we moved here, and got into our new place. I am in a rental unit with subsidized rent with both our names on the lease, no friends here, no job at the moment. And he is an alcoholic. He goes out all night, is emotionally abusive and I don't know what to do. If I go to a shelter I am afraid, I'm afraid of everything. He is a disrespectful, piece of shit but the kids dont see that, they are so happy to see their father and he hides his bad behaviour from them.

The family tells me to keep things neutral for the kids.

I'm going insane, I have no friends here, what have I done? I feel so stupid!

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Nov 20, 2008
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leave him
by: Anonymous

Leave him please
One day you will wake up and realize you have ruined your life over him and there is no going back. It will be for the good of your kids too because if you stay now and he harms you, who will they turn to? This man is killing you slowly even if not physically.

Nov 18, 2008
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get some space
by: Anonymous

I know it's hard to separate from someone you love who is also the father of your kids, but try to get some space and get your kids away from this bad situation. Ask guidance first from God to help you move on.

God bless you. God will help you.

Feb 27, 2008
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Leave Him!!!!
by: Rochelle

I believe you should leave him. You were the one that forgave him and helped him out. Being that he is back to his old ways, you or the kids may end up getting hurt.

Feb 15, 2008
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STUMPED AND STUPID
by: celine

Hi, do not lose hope. Things will work out one day. Just hope for the better and keep prayin.
Feel not lost ,
feel not a fool cuz you are not one and you can never be.
Pray for him, ask God to mold him into what you really like and love.

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