Stumped and Stupid

by mellisa
(canada, ontario)

Well this is a long one but here it goes, any advise would be appreciated. I have been separated for my husband for about 3 and a half years due to his drug use, which eventually led to jail time. I was angry and kept little contact, even left and moved to another province to get away from all the stress. He would leave me with the kids for days while he was on binges, take all the money, be emotionally abusive and threaten me with violence. So I left, which imho was the best thing to do at the time. We have two children together.

I moved, went to school and started over. I made great friends and had a "life". Had is the major word in that sentence.

I was contacted by him earlier this year because of the fact that he was facing deportation. He had completed treatment programs as well was in a current one and begged me for his help. I cam to his province and saw a whole new him. He was loving, caring, friendly, understanding, showered us with gifts... everything you would get from a person that had made major changes in their life.

I grew up in foster care and have no immediate family that I can have contact with and my husbands family is in his province. So I thought that since he was so different, and his family is here that it would be best for the kids to see their family and father. Father with stipulations of course..that he would remain in treatment, etc.

Things were great for the last 3 months. Until we moved here, and got into our new place. I am in a rental unit with subsidized rent with both our names on the lease, no friends here, no job at the moment. And he is an alcoholic. He goes out all night, is emotionally abusive and I don't know what to do. If I go to a shelter I am afraid, I'm afraid of everything. He is a disrespectful, piece of shit but the kids dont see that, they are so happy to see their father and he hides his bad behaviour from them.

The family tells me to keep things neutral for the kids.

I'm going insane, I have no friends here, what have I done? I feel so stupid!