Suicide

by Lauren B.
(Palm Harbor, Fl)

The razor is sharp
But sharper is the pain
Cutting my heart
Than the one hurting my skin.
The night is dark and cold
But darker is my life ,
Without you by my side,
I don't want to live.

They will say I was crazy
But no one will ever feel
Like I did the first time
Life threw a hit at me.
I have no words
I have no feelings,
And I don't want to say goodbye
To people that never cared.

I will be judged
They will ruin the memory of me
But I don't care
There was nothing left anyway.
Should I write sorry
On a blank paper?
No, I won't mean it
And it will be forgotten with time.

They will cry
At the sight of my lifeless body
But they are only liars
They will never hurt for me.
They only hurt me
I only felt the pain,
And now...now I feel freedom.

With each blood drop
Come more and more
I'm watching it go
I'm watching my life go...
And I smile,
It will all end soon
It will all go away
And I will, for once, be happy.

They will blame my friends
But my friends will never know,
They were the ones
Turning their backs on me after all.
They will blame me
For being stupid
But I never was
They never really knew me.

And the funny thing is
They will never blame themselves
They will never see
What was that pushed me this far.
But I keep smiling
I keep smiling trough tears
I keep smiling trough pain
Because I know this is the last time I hurt,

Because I know
That after this
I will finally find
What I always wanted...
Peace and happiness.
And if by any chance
God will want to punish me for what I have done

I will go to hell without regrets
Because I got what I deserved.
But He does see all
And feels all
And in the last, everyone will receive their punishment
Not only me.